subconscious

So now that I’m not far from actually handing in my application a few questions are starting to appear.   It’s stuff that I have considered before, and stuff that I know will come up frequently in my (hopefully) new profession, but I wasn’t sure that it would happen this way.  The questions, or thoughts come mostly when I’m alone, when I’m doing something that only requires a mild focus.  I guess that’s the time when my thoughts will wander.

I don’t thinly that they’re doubts so much as my mind making sure that I’m prepared for this; that I’m sure that it’s what I want.  I guess it’s me making sure I’m ready to deal with the side of things that is not pretty.

How do I feel about carrying a loaded weapon for the rest of my life; or at least the majority of it.  How do I feel about potentially having to shoot someone; and having to live with that.

How do I feel about the possibility of confronting a potentially threatening situation.  Having to deal with violent, irrational and drunk offenders on a regular basis.

How do I feel about having to defend other members of the public from violent or threatening offenders?

It’s all there,those questions are all there.  They’re all things I’ve had to consider.  I’ve considered them willingly.  I guess that it’s a more prominent issue now cause it’s close to becoming a reality.  I think that it’s good that my mind is processing these without me actually thinking about it.  That, to me, means that it’s there; that there are risks involved, and there are going to be some situations that are incredibly difficult.  But the fact that I’m thinking about it means that I know about it and am willing to deal with it.  A little muddled, I know; but it’s all good.

without

So today at the pool was fecking awful.  That’s the only way it can be described.  Did my 1k (in 27:30), 100m with the kick board and then got the hell out of there.  I was just fatigued.  Although I’m not sure it actually was fatigue, or soreness from the weights session that I did – more just that the thrashing about was much harder.  Had a tendonitis click going on in my left shoulder which was while not actually hurting, uncomfortable and distracting.  It was more that I was noticing it there, not that it was sore.  Pain in the arse more than anything.  It wasn’t at all that I was without motivation today – it was a physical thing.  In a way I see this swim session as a good thing.  After the first 200 I seriously would have considered packing up and going home – if it weren’t for determination to do the 1k – at a minimum.  I made sure I was in there for at least 30 minutes.  A bit of a win for me, over the pool, today.  Sometimes it’s just hard.

30:00

340cal,  25%

AHR: 151

MHR: 177

Work was shit!  At some times I really, really, hate my life.  It’s like I’m just showing up and spending time there.  The fucking stock is all over the fucking place.  I had to count the bloody singlets about 15 times today as things weren’t included in the snapshot when they should have been and were when they shouldn’t have been.  I finally said that I wasn’t doing it anymore and headed off to harass customers.  I was helping a guy with shoes at the end of the day – he had a sore ankle for which he wanted plenty of cushioning.  After talking a little bit, it seems that he had Plantar Fasciitis, or so I thought.  He was surprised that I knew what was going on.  I think I also surprised myself.  Surprised at the amount of knowledge that I have, that I can talk to people about and the help that could have come from me sorting out what his issue was.  I also briefly considered whether infact I should go into physiotherapy, and briefly considered looking up to see the requirements for an Ex. Phys. to do Phty at uni.  But then I want to be a cop.  That’s all I want.

After work I realised I’d forgotten the ipod (essential for gym cardio, or any cardio really) so headed home.  Did some stuff on the treadmill to make up for the lack of swimming/gym cardio today.  I did run intervals and was happy with how they went.  I didn’t think that I’d got to the point where they weren’t an absolute bitch to get done – I guess I was wrong.  Although I worked hard, I wasn’t anywhere near maximum, and felt stronger than I have previously.

20 mins run intervals, 3 minutes stretching.
30:30 -  all at 4%

3 mins 10

5 mins 10.5
5 mins 11
5 mins 11.5
2 mins 11

20:00

230 cal, 17%

AHR: 164

MHR: 186

Not 100% accurate as HRM wasn’t working the whole time I don’t think…  It was fucking pissing me off, perhaps escalated by tiredness, but I felt some of the gear rage coming back.  Bastard.  Anyway, it was s pretty good session, even if the HRM fucked up.  I also iced afterwards, which I need to start doing more often (and am going to start doing, nightly).

I’m not nearly as sore as I expected to be from the weights session that I did the other day.  Perhaps the huge walk with golf helped that, perhaps also wearing skins while I was running tonight helped.  I think that that might be a good way to take some of the DOMs away from my future legs sessions – stretching, rest and then some form of activity (preferably walking/golf) later in the day.  Seems to have worked this time round.

More one glove tan tomorrow, along with a bit of training.  Short game work.

once bitten

Weights

5 mins cycle
5 x 5 Sq – 20,22.5,25,30,30,30
5 x 8 C & J @ 25
5 x 5 45 LP @ 90
5 x 5 SLDL @ 25
10 mins cycle

49:05

457c, 33%

AHR: 137

MHR: 180

When I returned from my weights, and got on the bike, there was a kerfuffle at the treadmills behind the bikes.  A little sticky revealed that there was a woman there, who had previously been ‘working out’ (cardio junkie) and a ‘trainer’ (6week ‘this is your leg’ course) attending to some guy who was looking all passed out on the treadmills.  I’d seen him earlier in the day, while I was warming up, and he was struggling.  It wasn’t just that he had the complete wrong idea about the stepper (no, it is not correct to stand, will all your body weight pushing the bloody step down) but he just looked fatigued; like he was going to fall over.  So the straw that broke his back must have been the treadmill.  Perhaps, and this is just what he looked like (and a complete stereotype, deduced from the thousands of people I’ve met in my gym career) that he might be the type of guy that is desperate to lose weight, so he comes to the gym without having eaten all day.  Fasting guys, we should call them.  Anyway, I’m assuming that he got an attack of the hypoglycemia bug and took badly to it.  He musn’t have fainted though as sure as shit if he fell over the two girls with him wouldn’t have been able to get him back up again.

Post gym I stretched for a good 10 minutes, which is pretty much unheard of for me.  I think I’m going to be less sore cause of it, and hence should, finally, learn that lesson.  Stretching is good.  After coming home and having a shake and a little food I played 18 holes at Innes Park.  Not too bad.  Actually better than I thought I would.  Still need work on lots of my game, and think I can be more aggressive with the chipping, though I’ve more confidence with my 60 now that I have previously.

2:25

1319 c, 35%

AHR: 135

MHR: 160

 

Rilex has found out that he can open things, like containers, by biting on them (like on the side, you get the picture).  Well…my finger didn’t ‘open’ so he just kept biting harder and harder. little fecker.   All the while he was hanging onto my other finger (on the other hand) so I couldn’t get him off.  I actually had to shake my hand, with quite a bit of force mind you, to get him to let go.  Then chucked him out of the pool real quick.

a bit weird with my food

I’ve learnt, in the last couple of days, that my eating, diet and food preferences are, in fact, a bit weird.

I like to drink milk with pizza.  I also like milk right after a good feed of bacon & eggs.  Weird, I know.

I actually like cottage cheese.  Better when with carrot, celery or cucumber sticks; but I actually like the white, salty, lumpy, sometimes watery stuff called cottage cheese.  I like the taste.  I like that it is one of the best sources of protein available (and is also one of the lowest in fat).  I don’t like the low fat version though – too watery.  But the real cc is like 4% fat anyway – there’s no need to go any lower than that when you’re eating 100g per day.

I like peanut butter on salad sandwiches (oh how I long for a sanga on white bread) or wraps.  Everybody thinks I’m weird for it,  but it’s awesome!  I highly recommend it to everyone I know, whether they like pb, or salad for that matter, or not.  It adds a satay kinda flavour to the sanga, without being too strong.  Was compelled to try it by my little cousin a few years ago and will readily admit to being skeptical at first but after one bite I was converted.  And have been eating it ever since.

I like grapes, but not sultanas.  I can not see, at all, how these two foods are related.  Even remotely.  Sultanas have the capacity to make me spew.  They are one of the very few foods that I do not eat, and will not try.  Except in raisin bread, of course.

I also hate, and will not eat dates, in anything or in any form.

I’m not much of a fan of dried figs either.

I like guava.  More for the texture than the actual taste.  I think they taste a little bit like nothing, but the texture is just so exquisitely different – seedy, fleshy, soft and firm all at once.

I like weird things in my salad.  Grapes for example.  Or green beans.  I just like to try different combinations; which is why I make great salads.

I hate capsicum; or peppers as I came to know them in NI.  But quite like creamy roasted pepper soup.

missed the eagle

Putting practice required.

Golf today at the rum.  Was not entirely bad.  Not bad at all.  I went round in 97 – 6 more than someone off about 9, and all six shots really came from penalties.  One in the water, one out of bounds and one as a penalty shot when I had to crawl under the bushes to retrieve my ball.  Better than a lost ball, but it would have been nice if had even trickled from the bush out into the other fairway.

Short game was much much better.  Not so much the putting, although I think it was significantly better than the last game I played, but I chipped with a lot more confidence, and think I’ve started to have a bit more faith in hitting my cute little 60 degree wedge.  I was using a pro V for a while there, and it was awesome – it really was like the ball stopped a lot quicker.

Driving was ok, but I’ve started to pull them towards the end – perhaps just a little of playing around with my swing…  On the 18th I’d hit a fair drive, up the middle, but I didn’t really feel as though it went all that well.  We got up there and I took my 3 wood and hit it – long and straight baby!  We got to the green and my ball’s sat, pin high, about 5 foot from the hole, in two, on a par 5.  I think probably the best (and maybe only) eagle chance I’ll ever have.  Missed the putt – on the amateur side, although it wasn’t an easy putt.

Was much happier with golfing today, however I still think there’s plenty of room for improvement.  At least I’m back to playing off 25.  Now I’ve just got to stay there.

My FT set me a pretty rediculous goal for this week – 6:40 of training, burning 4050 cal.  I never thought I could do it while working, but I’ve surprised myself this week.  Although I’m not going to make the target this week (even though I was well on track the whole week and extremely motivated to get there) I think it’s a positive thing.  I was fatigued at the end of the week, but I don’t think that I was to the point that I couldn’t have done one more training session if it had been necessary.  I chose to do nothing on Saturday, and to train relatively easily on Friday in the manner of keeping healthy.  I know that I did some exercise today, with the golf, and although I didn’t make the goal set by my heart rate monitor I’m sure that I’ve achieved more than enough this week.

Even if it’s just having a tune up when I need one!

beach sprints

Well…despite a distinct lack of running, my shins are back to hurting.  Ice required.  I’m not sure why they’re hurting.  Perhaps standing while working all day; perhaps the training fins, perhaps the dramatic increase in exercise over the last two weeks.  Perhaps also the nimbus.  In truth, I probably need new orthotics, I’m just not in the place to afford them at the moment, but at the same time I don’t think that I can go into the academy not having them – particularly if there’s lots of running involved.

Slept much better last night.  Got in bed for 9.15 then read for a while.  Sleep came relatively easily after about half 10.  Was up at half 5 and off to the beach for a sprint session.  Was so nice down at the beach this morning.  Will probably wear swimmers and a bra next time and do some water running afterwards.  Will be a bit of a pain in the arse though if I’m wet getting into the car.  The water was lovely, the little bit we did paddle.  Did the sprints in the soft sand 5 x about 20m, 5 x short hills, 5 x long hills.  All up about 30 minutes.

27:35

340c, 18%

AHR: 162

MHR: 208

Going to the gym before work today, then working 12 – 9.  Not a bad day really.  Eyes feel tired again, but there’s been plenty of food sent to work so I’ll have lots of supplies when I get there.  2 x protein shakes today me thinks.

At work again now.  Minding the second shop.  Probably my favourite job in this place.  Gym was alright, though I got a little carried away with the whole application thing and was a bit late for the gym.  This application is taking up a hell of a lot of time.  Who keeps track of everywhere they’ve lived since they were 10?

Anyway, the gym.  No cardio warm up, just jump in and go…

C & J – 5 x 10@ 20

DB BP with twist – 3 x 10 – 6, 7, 7

Neutral pulldown – 3 x 10 @ 22.5

Seated row – 3 x 10 @ 27.5

DB Bent over flyes – 3 x 10 @ 6

Standing one arm row – 3 x 10 @ 22.5

45 LP – 3 x 10 @ 80

35:38

364 cal, 29%

AHR:145

MHR: 173

Not bad considering I was running late.  Still working up to working proper hard, but I’m getting there.  Consistency is most important until it becomes a lifestyle change.  Working a lot less hours next week, so hope to get even more training done.  And some more golf.

Just in from work.  Am shagged.  I’ve a really tight left hamstring, a sore left knee and my neck feels shite.  As does my right trap.  Hoping a night of sleep and not getting up at 5.30am will soothe all the pain and fatigue, I don’t think it will, but there’s always hope. I was feeling good until now – or till my knee started hurting at about 4pm.  Not exactly sure what it is – amd a little worried, but for no particular reason.  I feel as though it’s all to do with the hamstring that’s tight as feck.  Feel incredibly old tonight.

Updating before bed.  Is this what life has come to??

crossroads

Last night was shocking.  I was in bed for 10 – fatigued and ready for sleep, but it didn’t come.  I’d close my eyes but my mind wouldn’t switch off.  As a result, very very tired this morning.  My eyes have been stinging since I woke up, on about 4 hours sleep, to squealing.  Not a pleasant start to the day.  On top of the lack of sleep tiredness, my body feels fatigued.  It’s like I can’t muster the energy to do anything at the moment.  I just want to sleep. One of the girls at work today said that I was quiet, and had been all day.  I was.  I said it was just down to tiredness, which I honestly think that it is.

My the SLDL from the other day has caught up with my hamstrings and they’re tight, although not nearly so bad as they were this morning, before the swim, and before wearing my skins about for the afternoon.  I wonder if a full length pair might be in order.  I really think that wearing them helps, even wearing the quad length ones.  The only issue that I have is that to get the compression I need for my legs, I need to go small around the waist.  I’m in a YXL at the moment, even though it’s pretty tight around my waist.  I think that they’re getting looser though, that I am losing a bit of fat; but it’s always hard to tell with something so tight, and stretchy.  Would like to try a shirt, but don’t know.  We’ll see.  Am definitely going to get, maybe two more pairs in the staff order, when they’re about 40% off (I think) but not sure about a shirt yet.  I guess it would help with the weights, and for that reason I would probably have to look at a full length one – would also be good for golf.

On the topic of gear, I’ve found the sexiest watch ever!!  It’s a polar RS300X – orange.  Every time I go into the fitness area, I put it on.  I wear it well, and I think it looks great on my wrist.  It’s just that I really don’t need two heart rate monitors.  I’ve already a FT60, and love it, but I really like the look of the other one.

Swim was ok.  I wasn’t feeling great before I even went.  Had it in my head that I wasn’t going to swim well, or that it was going to be a whole lot more difficult to do what I’ve done on the other days before I even set out.  To my surprise and delight, I managed to beat yesterdays for both the k and 30 minute mark.  Pretty happy.

the lesbian and the kids

Today wasn’t nearly so bad. The ginger was a bit grizzly, but nothing as bad as I’ve seen him in the past.  Bloody horrible would be the only way to describe it, and he certainly wasn’t that.

Training this morning was good.  Consisted of an hour in the pool.  Not a bad effort.  Managed to get a bit of a lie in before having breakfast, making lunch and washing up.  The usual routine.  I wasn’t feeling overly tired this morning, just had enough sleep that I woke up when I was ready, although I did hear the first couple of squeaks from the other side of the wall.

Swam for an hour – my usual 100m on 3 minutes was completely blown out of the water, and I rolled 1k in about 25 and a half.  Was pretty impressed, and just managed to squeeze out another 200m before I hit 30.  Definite improvement.  I’m not actually swimming faster, just having less rest, and continually doing more work in the same amount of time – result!!

A couple of the guys at work asked me why I wasn’t aiming to swim a certain number of laps each time I went – and I think today proved that point.  When I set out, I had no idea that I wanted to swim for so long, or that I wanted to swim 2k in total.  I just felt in the groove, so I kept on going.  I think that that’s how it has to be with my training.  I also think that that approach works for me cause I’m not the type to give in.  I like to give training a bit of lip, and to keep going when times get tough.  I like to beat what I did previously.  Set out to improve each and every session.  I know that at some point that’s not going to be possible, but it’s something that drives me to keep working, to keep getting better.  Think my AHR was also a bit higher this time round – makes sense really.

1 hour

768c, 17%

AHR: 165

MHR: 185

Work wasn’t so bad.  Just bloody counting, counting and more counting.  Went quick enough, but every two hours I was looking round for something to eat.  Was all good though, and well within the diet.  Just sitting here and I’m actually thirsty.  The lesbian and the kids were in today.  Someone I potentially would have hooked up with once, I was just standing, overhearing their conversation thinking that I was a bit weirded out by her child (perhaps only 6 months old) not wanting ‘boob’ anymore.  That, or perhaps the image of being with someone who’s breastfeeding (and said breastfeeding’s implications on fucking) was making me crazy.  As much as I love boobs, I’m not into that at all.

Gym session after work, even though my eyes were well tired.  Went and did my strength work.  I still don’t feel that I’m pushing as hard as I can with the weights at the moment.  Think I’m still in a bit of an adjustment phase being in a new gym and all.  It’s like they’ve tried to cram too much shit in the space and it feels cramped, and you have to negotiate your way around pieces of fluffy equipment to get to the good, and worthwhile stuff – like the single power cage they have in there.

40:10

405c, 30%

AHR: 143

MHR: 166

For the moment I’m concentrating on big exercises – nothing isolation.  I’m doing at least one powerlifting move per workout, although not heavy.  I’m going to have to write myself a program and get into the routine of lifting heavy again.  Shit.  Bring on the mental strength.  The scales were mighty tempting tonight, but I wasn’t really wanting to see what’s going on there.  I feel as though the weight isn’t shifting, although I know I’m getting leaner around my head.  Sounds stupid; but I am seeing weight loss from my face.  Perhaps it’s the little bit of a tan that I’ve going on now.

Done.  Absolutely done.

sleep

Today was one of the worst days I’ve had, feeling wise, for a while.  I was up early enough, considering the number of beers we had last night, and headed for the gym.

R.I. – 30:30 (5 @ 40:20) 10kph, 3% – 18mins

Clean & Press – 3 x 8 @ 20

Leg Press – 3 x 8 @ 80, 1 x 8 @ 90

Narrow pulldown – 3 x 8 @ 25

Straight leg DL – 3 x 8 @ 20

cycling – free spin – 4 mins.

50:00

631 c, 18%

AHR: 163

MHR: 198

After that I went home and we headed out for some fishing.  Was a really nice day, although there wasn’t much about – we kept losing the fecking bait.  Probably some massive crabs just kept snitching it.  During my morning workout I started to feel as though I was going to throw up, which isn’t entirely why I headed home after 50 minutes, I was nearly done anyway, but I wasn’t feeling good, and my post workout shake didn’t sit all that well in my stomach either.

Got over it and we went fishing, then back to work; but by the time I was going to work I had a massive headache, the sickly feeling had returned and I was feeling a pain across my lower back.  Not good.  Perhaps just dehydration as I filled up on food and water while at work and it seemed to get better.

Ginger and I had a game of chasey when I got home which was class.  It was great to see him running about having fun.  MG didn’t like it much as he was getting razzed up before bed, but G was laughing her head off – bit of a release for her I think.  Was going to do some work with G, but just end up doing 20 minutes on the bike by myself.  Went pretty hard, mostly strength stuff, not speed.  3 minutes @ 2, 2 @ 3, 1 @ 4 & 1 @ 5 – then repeating that pattern, although timing was different with a 2 minute cool down cycle.  Feeling much better after having a good sweat session this afternoon.  Was only 20 minutes, and not really enough to be called a second training session, but was something anyway.

20:54

236c, 24%

AHR: 154

MHR: 172

All good, but I’m so tired.  Fatigue is starting to kill me at 10pm – at least now I know when to go to bed.

unravelling the good

What a great weekend I had.  Friday night there were drinks and a delicious roast and polenta dinner here, Saturday I spent all day at work, before heading in for more beers with the rellies.  Sunday we played golf at the town course then had some more drinks.  Obviously, from that ultra quick run down, all the good work from last week was nearly undone with the diet and booze blow out of the weekend.  I’ve really got to tighten up on the control thing here.  One night in at the rellies, as one night a week on the booze is well enough for me while I’m working hard at what I’m doing.

Otherwise, I’m pretty happy with how the training is going.  Have really only been into it a week or so, coming up on two weeks, but it’s starting to feel like routine.  Starting to see some results – my pants were definately looser than a couple of weekends ago when I was out with Dad.  That is pleasing, particularly cause it’s only two weeks.  I think the goal for this week will be to train 2 per day on at least 3 days, and golf twice.  Money’s always an issue with that though.

Golf was ok.  Nothing to write home about.  Hitting the driver well.  Still some inconsistencies to iron out, but it’s the short game that really needs the bulk of the work.  It was atrocious at best.  Putting was not great, missed quite a lot of relatively straight puts – maybe quitting on the follow through as Dad suggested.  Am planning to, and want to get some more work done – perhaps the short course at Innes Park is what I need to do a fair bit of for a while, just until I get the short game under control.  Have tried suggesting that MG put a putting surface in in the yard, but to no avail.  Bastards.  Although understandable – maintenance would be horrendous.

On the upside, we’ve discovered, through extensive research and experimentation, that low carb beer doesn’t give you a hangover!  There’s less alcohol and lower total volume of beer in the bottles, but at the end of the day, when you’ve had 10 stubbies, you feel like you’ve had 10 stubbies.  It’s full on strength but low on carbs, great for the diet and no hangover to boot!