Shins

Fucking hard on the legs today.  I ran further today, and straight from work, as is the plan.  I was feeling pretty good after work and had a coffee and headed out. 

I felt quite good, and really made an effort to run further again and to try to feel as though I was running with rhythm. 

Ran further and longer today and was happy with the run; although the stretch up Howe was definitely the hardest and needed a couple of breaks in there at times.

Although I really don’t feel as though the rhythm was completely there I did feel better about my ability to push and to run further in one stretch than I have been.  I pushed the first leg today and tried not to stop at lights if possible.  I figure I ran nearly two k with out stopping, although about 800m of this was down hill and there were a couple of small breaks in it; the total time coming up to about 11mins 30 secs or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.1k

Really felt better about running today, and yesterday morning I wondered if it was ‘running day’ and was mildly disappointed when I realised that it wasn’t.

The only dampner is that my shins are starting to hurt.  Going to focus on preventative measures, ice & stretching and probably do a little taping job on my orthotics, as well as backing off the running when I get into the gym.  Will have to replace it with some cycling sessions at the smacky gym.  And going to try doing some running on the beach or something, the only pain in the arse about that is that I have to run down there, and back.

Quitting

Although the time this morning was not all that much slower than the other day, the run hurt more. Not surprising after how I felt last night, even up until this morning. I honestly was surprised at the time I ran this morning. I tried to run further between breaks today; and I was somewhat surprised at the first length that I ran. I was pleased at how I pushed myself, although the second half of the run was much harder than the first.

 

I felt pretty good up until Beach, but even the short stretch up beach wasn’t as hard as I expected. It was a pretty tough run, but I feel better for going, and I feel so much better about things for actually getting off my arse and going something.

 

Sticking to the promise that I made to myself – now it’s about the food.

 

3.34k

22:07

319 cal (11%)

AHR: 181

MHR: 195

 

Probably ran more consistently given that my MHR wasn’t as high as the other day; but at the same time I felt that I was running faster. Perhaps. It’s time to quit.

Mighty Maroons

Tired as hell this morning due to a severe lack of sleep yesterday.  Last night at work was hard, but it wasn’t really any worse, in terms of people, than any other night.  Just very tired.  Nikki and Cobb were fucking in the room at 11am yesterday when I went to sleep, or tried to, so I got up and left, to see Kris in the morning.  I had about an hours sleep at Kris’s then had another 3 hours back at the room, not uninterrupted by Nikki and her fucking music.  So fucking selfish.  There were words last night so it better not happen again.

 

Ran again this morning.  Although I didn’t feel like doing it, really, it felt good while I was out, and definitely had more rhythm going today.  It felt easier than the other day, and the time reflected this.  I felt as though I ran more today, particularly in the early part of the run, and I definitely pushed harder up the hill coming up beach – that’s where I hit the MHR, but was pretty shagged after it. 

 

I tried to run more steadily today – more focus on hitting a rhythm and even though I didn’t feel as though I hit it completely I really felt better about the run today.  I didn’t have the sit down stop that I had, instead walked through it, adjusted my music and kept going.

 

24:01

365 cal (10%)

AHR: 185

MHR: 203

 

This week goals are:

1.  Focus on getting the regular runs in and making sure I enjoy it

2. Walk Kris to South Granville at least 3 times; maybe four. 

3. Work on eating – specifically get more green vegetables; as I know I’m not eating enough of them.  My eating patterns are shite!

 

And the Maroons are one up in the series.  Four in a row – bring it on!!

 

 

Username

For me, a username is a short expression of who you, a one word intro to you and how you define your existence. 

What happens when you can not possibly think of one thing that describes you, or two words that you join together to make a small expression of self?  There are many things I could be – nightbitch, cricketgirl, aussiechick, newsnapper – all of which incorporate some part of me, but none that really sum up me entirely.

Is this a lack of interesting compartments to my life, or is it that there is more than one ruling factor in my life or that there is more than one part of me to find interesting.

More often than not I resort to the overly simple and non-descript ‘louie1981′.  Just today, joining some other site, this started to bother me a bit.  Why?!

The trouble with love is…

That at one point or another, due to one cause or another, one leaves the relationship that has been built between two people.  It happens to the best of relationships.  Even the longest lasting, most strong relationships come crashing down when one person leaves; usually through death; but not always.  I feel that I’ve developed a few relationships while in Magheralin and then end drew up on Monday when I left for London.  This morning she asked my why I left ‘them’ anyway; them being the Northern Ireland bunch.  How do you explain the need to leave?  Or the reluctance to be thrown out?

 

I know that in the end I will be ok; but I think a little part of me will always wonder what what might have been if we had of met under different circumstances.  I will always think of her fondly; and regret the chance that I had to have her.  I have found myself thinking about what would happen if I had stayed longer – would she really have fallen for me and left Davus?!

 

Just off the phone to her there.  She has seriously considered leaving Davus for me; that’s the only thing stopping her.  She was disappointed to find that she wouldn’t be able to get a visa for Canada cause of the age thing but said that I’d have to forgo it and head straight for Australia.  I wouldn’t even think about it; merely suggest a long-ish holiday before we head home.  She said she considered how much cash she could get access to and all the things she’d need to sort out.

 

Did she feel she knows me well enough to make that sort of commitment – i.e. just to up and leave for the other side of the world with me…?  She’s not sure she knows me well enough, but she would give it a try.  I said that Nat had asked me the same thing and that I said that yes, I’d be happy to make that decision.  Oh god, why did we start talking about her leaving Davus for me.  Now that’s what I want; that’s all I can think about.  In a way it sort of gives me hope when it shouldn’t be like that.  I shouldn’t be feeling as though there is hope for me and her cause at the end of the day I strongly doubt that she’ll leave her husband.  They say the mistress never gets the man; I wonder if that rings true for the woman who’s having an affair – does she ever leave?

 

We laughed about what people would think.  Actually I said that I thought Mum would fall over if I took her home and was like ‘This is Kate.  You’ve also inherited 4 step-grandkids; but they’re still in Ireland.’  Kate said that she didn’t think that my Mum would think much of her in that case; but I would like to think that Mum would be more accepting than that.  I would like to think that all of my family would accept her and approve of our relationship.  God, this is going to fuck my head up!!

The trouble with love is…

That at one point or another, due to one cause or another, one leaves the relationship that has been built between two people.  It happens to the best of relationships.  Even the longest lasting, most strong relationships come crashing down when one person leaves; usually through death; but not always.  I feel that I’ve developed a few relationships while in Magheralin and then end drew up on Monday when I left for London.  This morning she asked my why I left ‘them’ anyway; them being the Northern Ireland bunch.  How do you explain the need to leave?  Or the reluctance to be thrown out?

 

I know that in the end I will be ok; but I think a little part of me will always wonder what what might have been if we had of met under different circumstances.  I will always think of her fondly; and regret the chance that I had to have her.  I have found myself thinking about what would happen if I had stayed longer – would she really have fallen for me and left Davus?!

 

Just off the phone to her there.  She has seriously considered leaving Davus for me; that’s the only thing stopping her.  She was disappointed to find that she wouldn’t be able to get a visa for Canada cause of the age thing but said that I’d have to forgo it and head straight for Australia.  I wouldn’t even think about it; merely suggest a long-ish holiday before we head home.  She said she considered how much cash she could get access to and all the things she’d need to sort out.

 

Did she feel she knows me well enough to make that sort of commitment – ie just to up and leave for the other side of the world with me…?  She’s not sure she knows me well enough, but she would give it a try.  I said that Nat had asked me the same thing and that I said that yes, I’d be happy to make that decision.  Oh god, why did we start talking about her leaving Davus for me.  Now that’s what I want; that’s all I can think about.  In a way it sort of gives me hope when it shouldn’t be like that.  I shouldn’t be feeling as though there is hope for me and her cause at the end of the day I strongly doubt that she’ll leave her husband.  They say the mistress never gets the man; I wonder if that rings true for the woman who’s having an affair – does she ever leave?

 

We laughed about what people would think.  Actually I said that I thought Mum would fall over if I took her home and was like ‘This is Kate.  You’ve also inherited 4 step-grandkids; but they’re still in Ireland.’  Kate said that she didn’t think that my Mum would think much of her in that case; but I would like to think that Mum would be more accepting than that.  I would like to think that all of my family would accept her and approve of our relationship.  God, this is going to fuck my head up!!

Easy Jet

Today was the final day of my life in Ireland. I miss K-C already, miss Ma, Mrs U – they’ve all come to mean so much to me I’m not sure how to cope without them being there for me. I spent the majority of the morning running about getting things organised, ready to leave. I threw a lot of stuff out and gave a lot more stuff to Kate than I had thought I would. I’ve still quite a heavy bag, but it’s not as bad as I expected. I’m going to have to lighten it if I plan to do the real backpacking thing. I still haven’t decided about that yet. They toasted me with rum before I left & everyone hugged me. Ma barely even touched me before she said ‘bye’ & was away back towards the gym. I looked about and Koff  was out the back door – I’d no idea what was going on until I looked again at Ma & realised that the tears had started. I went upstairs to get my stuff into K’s car then came back & said to her that I was going to the gym to say goodbye to Ma properly. I walked in and she shouted at me to go back to the carpark cause she was waving to me. I said ‘don’t be stupid, come here’ & hugged her. She kissed me on the cheek and started to cry again. It was a pretty sad moment…I really have got to know her very well and feel lucky to have found someone that will look after me when I’m on the other side of the world. At the airport there were no tears, we just sat and talked and had a drink. It was such a laugh. I always have such a laugh with Mrs U; and I always love spending time with K-C. When we decided I had to go I hugged Mrs U & then K-C. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered that she missed me already. I never wanted to let go of her. I wanted her to come with me. They jokingly waved tissues at me as I walked through to security, which I laughed at. Oh my god…I can not imagine never seeing her again. Feel a little sick in the stomach just thinking about it! The tears were held back until I got through security & got a phone call from her; in tears – “I’m not over you”. The 2 minutes didn’t work, not as predicted. I’m not over her either – it will take a lot more than 3 minutes. I’ve really fallen for her. I think I probably even love her. She said that the tears started as soon as she’d walked away & Mrs U turned, looked at her and said ‘you alright?’

Rules of Unattraction

The verdict is out.  He’s not leaving her.  We’re allowed to see each other.  We’re allowed to go to Dublin together. 

I say allowed like she needs his permission.  I can understand why she needs him to be ok with it; and I’m glad he trusts her enough to be alone with me; but I don’t think that she should need his permission.  At the end of the day it all comes down to trust.  I asked if he trusted her to be alone with me.  She said she didn’t trust herself to be alone with me, in my house.  Rules of Unattraction. 

This, her and I, is a somewhat destructive relationship.  Destructive cause I’m built up then shot straight back down.  It’s more in my own head.  She couldn’t work yesterday cause she was distracted.  He asked what she was thinking about and she said to me ‘I can’t text back saying I’m thinking about kissing (me)’.  Hearing that made me so hot.  Made me feel as though she was attracted to me, like I am to her.  It’s also pretty fucked up cause she’s in the middle of this shit with her husband, feeling bad for having feelings for me but then always comes back to thinking about me.  That’s the good bit.  The bad is when she goes home to him.  When she says something about him.  That’s when I take bad form.  Mrs U knows this – we discussed it after my sudden change of form at Bushmills.  I think that Mrs U knows me well enough to know when to leave me alone with my thoughts.

I’ve fallen for her.  Fallen hard.  I am so attracted to her.  The thought of us crossing the line on Monday night makes my stomach do backflips and gives me tingles in places it shouldn’t.  I can’t get her out of my head.  Can’t stop thinking about her.  How the fuck am I going to walk away from her at the airport.

I don’t know how my blog has turned to this.  I know it seems as though my life is completely consumed by her, thoughts of her and spending as much time with her as possible.  I guess in a way it has.  It feels like the start of a very special relationship that I know can not go anywhere.

Today we’re golfing at Dunmurry.  Ma, Mrs U, Ms G & I.  It is a final girls day out with the people who bullied me into playing golf.  It’s a lovely day outside.  Completely different to yesterday and I’m actually looking forward to getting out and having a walk around in the sun.  I can not wait.  Determined to be in good form and to have a day of good craic. 

I’m so glad that they bullied me into playing golf.  I only wish that I’d started earlier.  Not sure why I didn’t – and why I didn’t get out more when I first arrived.  I’ve become such great friends with Mrs U and really enjoy spending time with her.  We have such a laugh together and just click.  Even when I raced over to the dirty car on Friday night and wrote “if you think this is dirty you should see my wife” – she laughed saying she was thinking the exact same thing!  Class.

Feels so strange to be unemployed again.  Not money wise, just not having to go to work.  I am free to be alone, to be myself and to do exactly what I want.  Without any restrictions.  I love it!

Off to golf.  Glad of the sunshine and the end of winter!

The truth

So she is telling the husband about what happened between us on Monday night.  I understand why she wants to, why she has to.  She says that her conscience is killing her, and that it has to come out; but I’d really like it if she could hold off until after I left.  I’m kinda scared cause I think that he’ll tell her never to see me again, which is a very scary concept, even though I’m well aware that there’s that potential when I leave anyway.  I’m so looking forward to Dublin, he can’t take that away from me, can he?  Although I guess that I’ve, in some way, taken his wife away from him. 

While packing today I had a thought – along the lines of how am I going to survive without her.  She’s become such a good friend, someone I trust and care for.  Then Monday night makes it worse.  It was so clear she didn’t want to go home, but there was no way she could stay.  I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it, about how close we were, about laying with her; and just being able to kiss her whenever I wanted.  I want that.  The kiss on the way out was pretty hot too!

Packing up my life is harder than I ever expected.  I knew that decision making about what to take, what to send and what to chuck wasn’t going to be that easy but I didn’t realise that it would make me think about everyone here and how much I’m going to miss them.  I can not believe that I leave in 5 days. 

I am very excited to get to both London, and Vancouver, but at the same time I don’t feel like leaving my friends.

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