Non-event style

Things never fucking change. People never change. Especially the ones that you want to.

I was so anxious about today, about meeting up with the ex but it didn’t happen. I just don’t know what to do. What happened tonight elicited exactly the same response as what the same incident would have got about 4.5 years ago. I’m trying not to be too upset by it, and yes, I understand work does keep you back, but if you want to catch up with someone you make it happen. Or at least that’s what I thought you did.

‘m just not all that sure what to think about the happenings of tonight. 

Disappointed much.

HRM

Weights day today and I was totally not looking forward to it.  That’s completely unlike me.  I love weights.  I love picking up big weights and throwing them about a bit.  I also love the burn that you get before the jelly like sensation after you’ve smashed a group. 

Deep in my bum was sore today, just like I’ve gone deep on squats and really worked, right down near my sit bones.  I’m sure it’s just the beginning of hard work again though.  The soreness was really the only reason I felt like not doing weights today – I was always going to do it.  I did drop some weight off the squats though.  I will continue to work as I have been, then really jump up the program when I’m in Vegas in a routine.  I’ve actually measured myself this time round.  Pride!

5 x 5 A

Squats – 40

Bench – 37.5

Inv Row – 12, 7, 5

Push ups – 13, 10, 5

Rev. Crunches – 3 x 12

 

Bike – 16 mins manual.  Level 5 – 6, 7.5km

 

45:21

350 cal, 28%

AHR: 137

MHR: 190

Was a lot more focused on the bike today, felt as though I had a goal, or perhaps more drive to get the heart rate up and not just go through the motions.  As is becoming a fairly usual thing, and starting to really fucking piss me off; my HRM doesn’t seem to pick up my HR when I’m doing weight movements that require extension of my body, or even any movement that means I contract my chest and pull my serratus anterior in.  It’s pissing me off a fucking lot.  I think that I’m going to try wearing the strap tighter so that there’s better contact when I’m not relaxed. 

I suppose that the HRM is really mostly there to make sure that my HR gets up enough when I’m doing my cardio, or fitness work and isn’t so much about the weights.  I like to have the training data from all my workouts, even though the data from the weights isn’t overly important at the moment.  I like to analyse stats.  It gives me something else, something objective to aim for, and beat.

I know that the diet is going crap at the moment, but there really is little that I can do about that without seriously offending someone or alienating myself.  The focus for the next fortnight or so is to get 100% on track with the gym and workouts and then the diet will come when I’m in Vegas, in my own routine.

suitable, pending

Cardio

Run 3 lots of 6 x 30:15 with 1.5 walk between sets.  (12kph, 13, 12.8, 12.6, 12.4, 12.2, 12.4, then 13, 13, 12.8, 12.6, 12.4, 12.4.)

20 mins bike – intervals, level 6

5 mins row – easy, 1k (4.45mins)

 

54:09

727 cal, 14%

AHR: 174

MHR: 206

Feeling better about things today.  Phoned the police and have been told my status is being changed to ’suitable pending criminal clearance’, which means that I will be invited for testing.  Now I have to start studying the aptitude tests that I will come up against.

the saddle

After three whole weeks off, well, nearly, it’s time to get going again.  Get back in the saddle.

Over the past couple of days I’ve been a bit crook.  Not well in the guts and all, but not much I can do about that.  Was feeling about the same this morning and was pretty tempted to call it a day after working an hour longer than planned – meaning the gym was busier than I liked, but I headed there anyway.

Although I definitely didn’t feel as strong as I have, or did before I stopped for the Christmas break and holidays, it wasn’t too bad.  5 x 5 program B as a starter, cause I like it.

Squats – 45

OP – 30

Deadlift – 2 x 5 @ 45

Neutral ass pull ups – 7, 5, 5 @ 30

3 x 30sec prone

15 mins bike.  Level 4 – 6, mostly 5 & 6. 6.9k.

 

44:51

410 cal, 29%

AHR: 140

MHR: 177

Done.  Feel tired, but glad I went.

Roast Lamb

Tonight I’m making this roast lamb, straight out of the Food of Italy book.  I do love the way Italians do food.

I’ve a 2kg leg of lamb.

3 cloves of garlic

few stems of rosemary

1 onion (thickly sliced – 4 times across)

125ml olive oil

350ml dry white wine

Prehead oven to 125 deg.  Chop garlic & rosemary (this is what you’d also do with the 100g pancetta if you had it).  I mixed some olive oil in with it to make it more paste-like.   Make incisions in the lamb, about 1cm deep.  Rub garlic paste over the lamb, stuffing the incisions with some of the paste.  Place the onion into the tray, placing the lamb on top and gently pouring the olive oil over the meat.   Roast for 15 minutes.

Remove lamb, pour 250ml of the wine over the lamb and return to the oven, reducing the heat to 180deg.  Roast for 1 hour for medium rare.

I cooked it for about 2.5 hours, and it was cooked just over medium but not well done.  Take out the lamb and stand for 10 minutes.  I left the onion in and added the remaining wine while cooking over a high heat for 3 – 4 minutes.  After it’d thickened a little I put the gravy into a jug and spooned off the layer of fat.

Love the way the Italians do food.

wg: HAPPY HOLIDAYS

word games

End of the season of golf today.  A fun 9 holes, including things such as left handed drivers, wobbly putters and even a mini putter.  I didn’t win; but did come in at about 11 over, so the day wasn’t entirely bad.  Massive drive on the 4th, to about 10m short of the pin.  To give some idea, 219m over water, up hill and into the wind.  I don’t know what happened.  I just whacked it long and straight.  I was watching the ball better today.  Didn’t wear my heart rate monitor today as I felt that there was little point, since my hr probably wouldn’t be getting all that high at any point.  We played in a group of 6, and with a few 45 marks there it made it a slow day.  Clubs felt light again today.  It’s a good feeling.

We just had lunch and played about a little after the game, it was good to sit down with them and the food was nice too.   We played a word game – where you take a long word and make up short words out of it.  Our word was ‘HAPPY HOLIDAYS’.  I won, although unconvincing as plurals were allowed.  24 I got.

Interval training.

W:R level 2

20:10, 20:10, 15:15, 15:15, 20:10, 20:10 x 5

1.30 easy between sets

34:40

348 cal, 22%

AHR: 156

MHR: 182

The workout was hard, but managable.  I was initially going to do just 15:15 but it seemed like it wasn’t progressing from my last session if I did that.  I came up with the compromise, and I think that it worked really well.  Not only was I working longer in each set, and was fatigued by the end, but the rest enabled a little bread so I was still able to push for the last 2 of each set.  I’m pleased with the workout today.  I felt that even though I was working, and pushing hard, my average heart rate was down a bit on previous sessions.  I don’t feel particularly rested so perhaps it is fitness.

will this ever end

I’m wondering if this will ever end.  If the difficulties and hassles associated with joining the police are ever going to end, and if they will infact be worth it.

Who would have thought that the Commonwealth bank can be so inconsistent with their international policies.  A couple of days ago I banked 2 cheques in Canadian dollars; and they were quite happy to take $10 off each of them as a fee.  Today I go to have a bank cheque drafted in Canadian currency and #1. can not do it and #2. would have charged me $20 Australian for the pleasure.  Yet another hassle.  I have to go to Westpac to have a bank cheque drawn up, including paying an extra fee cause I do not bank with Westpac.

Every time I look around there’s more hassles, and more expenditure.  Australia Post are fucking rip off fucking merchants.  Fucking $19.10 to registered post 6 sheets of paper and a fucking cheque to fucking England.  Fucking Bastards.  I’m so angry, and frustrated and tired of all the fucking messing around that this is costing me.

The fucking about it’s doing with my head.  I fucking thought it was all over, and that it was just the waiting when I finished the fucking application.  It’s not.  A fucking long way from it.

Then Woolworths didn’t have any broccoli.  I grudgingly got asparagus instead and got it all home, including the bread and milk I was told to buy only to get a phonecall telling me their plans had changed.  They were no longer going out for dinner and were eating in.  The rest of the conversation was something like this:

What are you having for dinner?

Chicken and vegies.

Can we have chicken stir fry?

No.

Why not?

Cause I’m having chicken & vegies.

Can you make chicken stir fry?

No.  I’m making chicken & vegies.

Why can’t you make chicken stir fry?

I don’t want chicken stir fry.

Long story short – we’re not having fucking chicken stir fry.

Golf was pretty shit again today.  Went around in about 25 over.  Have developed a hook on just about everything from my 8 iron up, with the exception of the driver.  My putting was ok today.  My first putts were a lot better, in terms of getting close enough for a simple tap in for the 2nd putt, but then a lot of them hit the cup, even somewhat rolled in and did a 90 degree turn before flicking back out again.  I was hitting the ball well enough, when driving today but the last hole fucking pissed me off.  I drove well enough that it would have rolled to about 20 short of the green when I took the short cut, but it fucking hit a tree and shot back out onto the 17th fairway.  I don’t know why I’m playing badly at the moment.  I can’t quit, cause Dad brought the clubs and is really excited about me playing (in fact, he rang me last night to ask how the golf is going) but I can see no point in continuing if I’m crap.

2:29

826 cal, 46%

AHR: 117

MHR: 143

The bag felt light today, even though realistically there was nothing different to what I usually carry in there.  I thought that that may have been a bit of a result, in terms of strength from the training that I’ve been doing.  My legs felt fresh, even under the load, right to the 18th, where they started to tire a little going up the hill.  My heart rate was noticeably lower this round, and I’ve noticed that it seems to sit lower in the zones while doing stuff.  Fitness result maybe.  Although with my current form on everything, I’m sure that something will happen to fuck it up.  I think my golf shorts were looser this morning, but again, not sure.  I wish I had of taken measurements initially.  I’m going to buy a tape tomorrow and start taking them.

Gym before doing stuff in town this arvo.  5 x 5 program A.  Was good enough, the squats are getting tough, even though I’m only at 40k; but it’s good to feel as though I need to work.  I want someone to look at my technique, but I’m not sure that I trust any of the trainers, and their ‘training’ enough to get them to look at my form.

Squat – 40

Bench – 35

Inv. Row – 13, 9, 7

Push ups – 13, 8, 4

Rev Crunch – 3 x 12

5 mins bike

36:19

207 cal, 42%

AHR: 118

MHR: 156

Even my AHR for the weights session was quite low today.  Hoping it’s fitness, but I feel sure that with my luck at the moment it’s probably bradycardia.

boys annoy me

Boys in the gym I’m talking about.  Not in general.  Although they’re not my most pleasurable subject.

Last night, due to the whole car switch thing, I had to go to the gym after work, not before like I normally do.  This workout, genuienly taught me why I do that, why I make the choice to get up early and work out before work.

The place was packed.  People bloody everywhere.  I had to do 20 minutes of cardio before even getting a look in at the power cage.  I was glad that I was doing program B cause once I got on there I wasn’t getting off.  If I had of left, to do say Bench (program A) I never would have got back on there.  Not only was the gym packed, but it was full of the people I hate.  ‘Tough little guys’ who think they’re a huge, super hot adonis type creature that knows everything there is to know about lifting.  They also probably know all there is to know about roids too – and the negative side effects will never affect them.

The people I’m talking about are generally blokes, 17 – 25, tanned, usually with some sort of tribal tattoo going on on their arm/shoulder, perfectly manicured meterosexual hair (which I also hate) and they strut about in scrappy looking singlets, boardies and volleys.  Not that there’s anything wrong with working out in boardies, or singlets for that matter, but volleys are rediculous.  I used to shout at people for bringing volleys or non-lace up shoes into the gym, and that’s the way it should be.  Volleys do have a place, when powerlifting, or for squats & deadlifts; but these guys are just doing upper body shit.  I don’t understand.

I just wanted to slap one guy with a plate.  He was strutting about on his chicken legs with Imaginary Delt Syndrom, with huge arms.  Ok, his arms were huge, but just his biceps and triceps.  His deltoids weren’t all that huge, not even width wise and he had a massive concave look about his chest.  Obviously he just does bench & it’s variations and curls, and any mentionable variation of that.  He looked rediculous.  And his head looked minature on his narrow shoulders.  He would do a set of flyes or curls of whatever, do them badly then pose in front of the mirror.  It’s not a look that the gym should really have, and it made me think about whether it’s full of posers and roid ragers.  Probably.

It might seem hypocritical and whiny, but I just want to go in, do my workout then leave.  I don’t want to have to look at the testosterone heads beating their chests in some mythical mating dance, to attract girls that just come and sit, watching their ‘man’ do weights.  I think I might dislike those girls more; the ones that have had a complete frontal lobotomy.  I sometimes think it would be interesting to ask if their lobotomy hurt.

So the 5 x 5 B wasn’t too bad.  Even though my legs were tired from the cardio, I don’t feel as though I struggled as much with the squat as I thought I would.  Overhead press is getting tough, even after the 2nd increase.  I look forward to doing this exercise.

Squat – 37.5

OP – 25

Deadlift – 37.5

Pulldowns – NF – 6, 5, 5 @ 37.5

recruit in waiting

I’m tired of waiting.  All the waiting is adding up, making me stressed and also making me doubt the decision that I’ve made, not only to join, but also the process of returning home to join.  It’s frustrating. 

I thought that the time I’d taken with my application, in an effort to be thorough would pay off, however I’m not sure that it is going to help in any way.  I think that it would be a little more comforting to know that my application could progress even without the fingerprint clearance from Canada.  At least that way I would know that as soon as it gets back I could get into the Academy.  I’m just frustrated and disappointed.  I just want to get on with it.