Back to Black

God, what a day. This morning I laid in. I just couldn’t face getting up. Feeling completely unmotivated, tired, sad, lonely – I’m not even sure what term to use to describe it. Was going to go train before work, but was talking to the ex about my issues. Anyway, I didn’t get there.

Work was ok. Torturous but ok. Ms G wasn’t there to entertain me – always makes the situation seem worse!

I eventually set my mind to things and trained tonight. After work.
300
Walking lunges
Jumping Pullups
Squats
Push ups
FB Crunches
DB Thrusters (10kg)
Reverse Crunches
DB Swings (10kg)
Squats
1/2 Burpee
Total time: 18:49:44

Was a really good workout – mighty impressed with my pushups. Managed to knock out 15 full before I broke them up, then 5 x bench & 7 full & 3 from knees, chest to ground. Obviously my upperbody strength is improving. Was absolutely fucked by the end of the session. Still stoked that I managed to get through it. My burpees were good, although not as good, I don’t think, as when I did the ladder a couple of weeks ago. Will be interested to compare to when I last did a 300. I think it might be a better time, considering I was doing full push ups and used significantly heavier weight on all weighted exercises. I think ! might have had push press in there, so perhaps 1 less shoulder exercise, subed by squats.

Obviously my strength is improving. The week off certainly didn’t help my waist-size situation. Blerk. My boardies are tighter than I remember. A combination of no training, eating shite and too much alcohol I would say. Here I am, sat reflecting on the eating/alcohol consumption that has cost me any progress that I have made…with a vodka + oj. I am a fucking idiot at times. Although I am tired, and plan to hit the hay as soon as I’m done analysing my performance/committment.

I don’t think it’s my committment that’s the issue with me never achieving success…it’s about consistency. I realise that consistency isn’t easy, living the life I do, but I’ve got to be able to do better than this. My consistency in training, in my eating, when I had it right, even for a while, ie. Middlemount, I lost weight – stacks of bloody weight. Perhaps it was the variety that kept me coming back for more. Shite. I can reflect as much as I like, but it doesn’t make one scrap of difference unless I fucking do something about it. I feel like a lazy fucker at the moment. And it shows. I think I might turn over a new leaf. No TV this week. To bed when I am done with my shite, up when I wake up (and relatively early), play golf, gym, train like the deamons are chasing me and live a clean life. Good…I have a plan. Now stick to the fucker! Why am I swearing so much?

Salmon & Salad

Forget safety. Live where you fear to live. Destroy your reputation. Be notorious.

Fatigue

Today I am tired…absolutely shattered. To make things ‘worse’ Mr Wonderful fucked up the rota and changed my hours late last week. I was originally on an early; so had my PT scheduled around that…it got changed to a late; and now I’m working about a hundred hours today.

I got to sleep late last night; I don’t know why…did some washing and then had a shower & off to bed. I’m tired today. Not sure what I am going to do training wise. I think a cardio circuit would be good; but not sure I can get the energy together. Last night; as I was laying in bed I started feeling really motivated again – I’m definitely starting to see results around my shoulders…particularly in the last couple of days. I feel weird not training with a HRM; feels like I need something else, something external, with which to judge my workout performance.

Horrible

Today I feel so unmotivated. It’s not good. I feel tired, like I could just sit all day and do nothing. I’ve felt a bit off since I copped a lung full of chlorine dust saturday afternoon. maybe I still feel a bit hazy cause of that…but I can’t be sure.

This always happens…I start out so well, loving it to bits; then drop off after a couple of weeks. I am determined that I won’t stop this time. The trip to Iceland will be a test…I need to get straight back into it after I’m home. I think I need to adopt a more positive attitude to this, to me training. I need to have it be something I do for fun, not something I feel I need to do out of obligation.

I think maybe doubt is one of the biggest factors – I doubt that I can do it. I need to get that mindset out of my head.

My heart rate monitor isn’t working again. So I’m going to try something different! I’m going to train without my HRM today, using RPE as my guideline. I think that it will be a bit difficult at the start, but perhaps it will take away some of the external, and it will make me focus on how much I can actually do, without worrying about the external factors. I’m a bit nervous about it cause I’m very much into the analytical…shit!
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Right. So. Done! I got myself through, pushed all the way and can honestly say it was awesome to be in the gym…sweat pouring off me, doing compound exercise after compound exercise, while all around me the Irish worked out in conversational fashion. Man it feels awesome to be able to produce that! It’s a lovely day outside too – all the better!
The workout went like this:
5 min row (1152m), 20 strokes hard, 10 strokes glide (1000m in 4:22, rest 10 sec, finish)
3 x 12 DB Bench – 14
3 x 12 Standing Cable Row (t bar) – 25
Row 20 strokes – 177m
3 x 12 DB Incline Bench – 9
3 x 12 Cable Str. Arm Pulldown – 15, 12.5, 10 (shoulder a bit sore on these)
Row 20 strokes – 182m
3 x 12 DB Flyes – 5
10, 12, 14 Man Makers – 6
3 x 10 DB Push press (breathing ladder style) – 7
3 x 10 MB Chest Press (vertical) – 5
Burpees – 10, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, rest was rep amount x 5!
Total time was about 45 mins.
Great workout! I really, really worked hard. My shoulders are currently killing me; I’ve the shakes; I know I need food, and am absolutely ravenous; but I think if I were to at this point it would all end in tears. Proper blue lips by the end of the burpees; but really kicked my own arse and proved that I can push! Hard to guage my RPE as I always get to the end and question if I could have pressed more. I honestly think I maxed out – the burpees at the end were particularly hard. Really impressed by the man makers – a welcome addition to my workout schedule – awesome for the core, balance and shoulder strength; but I didn’t really feel that they focused a whole lot on the back. Felt my rear delt were cained today – and the T Bar cable rows to start killed my back; and my grip! Awesome. Pumped!

300

I feel tired this morning. I don’t have a plan to train…I don’t want a plan to train – I’m just sitting here, reading crossfit associated websites trying to summon the motivation from somewhere! Found a routine – perhaps a Dirty 30. 30 reps of Squats, Jumping pull ups, Walking lunges, Push ups, MB thrusters, FB Crunches, DB Swings, Frog Kicks, DB Push press, 1/2 burpees – for time. 300 reps in total. Name changed to 300! Good. This is my point – the point that I need to kick in to get through.

On with the day!

Just finished…smashed! Again there were issues with my HRM, but I’ve now got the ipod placement down so it won’t annoy the fuck out of me while I’m working out.

300

Jump pull ups

Squats (2 sets, due to HRM fuck up)

Walking Lunges

Push Ups (bar, lvl 10)

MB Thrusters

FB Crunches

DB Swings (6)

Frog Kicks (20 – quad fatigue), reverse crunches (20 – punishment)

DB Push press (15 x 5, 15 x 4)

1/2 Burpees

5 min hill walk (4.5 – 6.5%, 5.7kph)

Total time: 17:23.66

00:34:29

372 Cal; 25% Fat

MHR: 191 bpm; 97%

AHR: 173 bpm; 88%

Zones: H: 13:20; M: 08:42; L: 01:47

God it hurt. I broke everything up, bar the walking lunges – they still killed me though; FB crunches were probably the easiest; but by the end of 30 I knew I was doing something. Blue lips a lot through the workout. Fucking Sports Coach came along and was talking to me half way through. Would it be overly harsh to tell him to fuck off? I think I’m going to have to have words about that…it wasn’t even anything important – just that someone had cancelled – couldn’t that have waited rather than making me expend valuable energy on listening to him while killing myself.

Really put in, 100% this session – the 1/2 burpess absolutely killed me…broke them up seriously; but got to 10 before I started. End ones were much better form wise, big thrusts, feet together, really pushing through on the jump. Buckets and buckets of sweat pouring out of me, coming from every pore in my body I think. Something I can improve on though, is the push ups (always) and not dropping weight half way through the set. Choose it, stick with it and tough it out. I think I could have done more for the DB swings. I honestly didn’t know how much I could do as I haven’t done them before – they’re tough, but going to be a very welcome addition to my workout – can’t wait to progress with that one!

100 words of Fitness

“Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to levels that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, clean & jerk, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips, splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports.”

- Coach Greg Glassman, founder (with Lauren Glassman) of CrossFit

Cardio Circuit

Workout completed! Today I was absolutely shattered at work. I had planned to get up and workout before work, but when the time came I got up (still asleep I believe), switched the alarm off and headed back to bed, not bothering to reset the alarm for work. As a result, I completely overslept, leaving myself only 5 mins to get ready and high-tail it out the door. Absolutely freezing, and wet outside – what do I expect, it is bloody Northern Ireland. Very busy at work today, but managed to get everything done, and then some!

Working out after work was the last thing I wanted to do. I was talking to GI Joe – just shut up and do it was the conclusion we came to, so it left me with no option. I’m too stubborn not to. Full of attitude! That’s the approach I need to take to this.

So, the workout – 300m run (9.5 – 10.5k), 200m row (40 – 50 sec, dampner at 8), 100m glidex (level 3 – 4), 15 air squats, 10 jump pull ups. 4 rounds for time.
Round 1: 05:52.83
Round 2: 06:11.18
Round 3: 06:38.05
Round 4: 06:26.13
Total Time: 25:10

00:36:07
453 Cal, 25% Fat
MHR: 200 bpm; 102%
AHR: 186 bpm; 86%
Zones: H: 22:42; M: 03:48; L: 09:13

Pretty happy with that really. Definately pushed 100% the whole way round – more impressive as I was feeling really tired and apprehensive before getting going. Maybe cause I knew it was going to hurt! Round one was probably a bit slower than it should have been as trouble with ipod placement (ended up in my bra…) and some issues with HRM (again, bloody HRM); so that definately slowed me down a little in the first round.

Very impressed with running the entire last 300 at 10.5 – well happy with that effort. I think I can do the jumping PUs faster than the push ups, mostly cause of the lack of strength and stability in my shoulder. I think though, volume wise, it was very similar to the last one that I did, and the fact that there was really only 46sec between the fastest and slowest rounds is good, I’m continuing to push myself hard, and continuing to strive to better my best. Especially highlighted in the last round when I didn’t break up the squats, and I even walked back to the treadmill, after the glidex, for my stopwatch to get the timing accurate. Wish my HRM had a timer on it!

I’m a little disappointed with my AHR for that session – last time I did a cardio circuit it was 91% – that was an amazing workout. But I still feel I pushed 100% that session. Perhaps just am a little down on recovery given this week so far – also hamstring soreness probably contributed! Maybe an indication of increased fitness, although I wouldn’t expect to see any dramatic gains this quickly. Happy days!
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Happy with my gains so far – I’m a little disappointed that I’m only 77.0 at the moment. I’ve really put in with the exercise, and have worked very hard at that. Intensity wise I’m pushing all the time. Mixing up my workouts to minimise overtraining and plateaus. 1.3kg in nearly 3 weeks isn’t a lot, but I have been doing weights a lot, and I think my fitness has improved, so that might be an explanation. The weekend in Sligo surely contributed…ate way too much, no exercise and definitely came back heavier. Since then I’ve lost 1.5kg in a week and a half – good progress when you look at it like that! Trying not to focus too much on the weight…control the factors I can control, contribute positively and focus on the process. If I can do this, the results will speak volumes about work done and application.

Time to firm up the diet though. Not enough fruit & vege really, carbs are ok, although perhaps I’ll start to have none on every 3rd day for a couple of weeks, then none on every other day. I’m probably not eating enough as well…Not that I’m feeling hungry all the time, just that I’m probably not fuelling my body appropriately! Tescos tonight – salads etc, can’t wait. I’m feeling hungry now! After Tescos I think a hot tub might be in order, although maybe not…can’t decide. I don’t want to go back down to work…I can’t be at work without someone wanting to talk to me, to ask me stuff, to talk shop.

My 4 core values – Intensity, Committment, Persistance & Dedication!

Front side back

1000m row: 4:13
3 x 12 DB Bench Press (14s) / 3 x 5 Bar Push ups (low) / 40sec row
3 x 12 DB Bench Chest Flyes (6s) / 3 x 30 sec prone hold (FB)
3 x 13 MB Chest Press + Catch (5kg/vertical) / 3 x 12 close grip pushdowns (10)
2 x 12 DB Shoulder Press (6kg)
1 x 8 DB Seated Lat Raise (5kg)
Run 8.6kph 9.0% 2 x 30 sec, 6 x 35 sec, 1 x 40 sec & 1 x 45 sec

00:43:45
529 Cal; 30% Fat
MHR: 233 bpm; 119%
AHR: 165 bpm; 84%
Zones: H: 17:38; M: 13:22; L: 12:44

Done for the day…quite pleased with my effort, but believe my MHR was extremely high, and very surprising. I would love to see an actual chart of my HR throughout the workout. Feel nearly sure that the MHR would have come in the run; but I can’t actually remember seeing it that high on the treadmill display – or maybe it was just that my eyes were locked onto the time display, willing it to go faster. Really had to push on the last one, but felt great that I could push it to the limit and do a 45sec on on the last effort. Feel as though I maxed that bit out – stumbled to the next treadmill for a seat as soon as I’d whacked the emergency stop. Max found!
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Feel heaps better now that I’ve had a chat to the ex; and that I’ve actually got some of the frustration out, mainly with Ms G last night. Work, again was ok. Mr Wonderful again left early…it’s starting to piss me off, cause it’s totally taking the piss. And then we get ragged for the shit that he doesn’t do! WTF is with that?!

Anyway, feel so much better today than I did yesterday. Want something sweet tonight, with my omelette. Opted for a can of pepsi max – 6 cal per can…what a great idea!

Tomorrow for training, straight after work; I think I will do a cardio circuit, perhaps. Either that or crossfit style. Will have to see what the WOD is. I think a cardio circuit is what I need…one like the last time I did one of those. This time though I might substitute Walking Lunges for full Thrusters. Perhaps something like this… Run 300m, Row 200m, Cross Trainer 100m, 10 Jumping Pull ups + 15 Thrusters. 4 rounds for time. Good plan – jesus it’s going to kill me. Wonder if I could get up early enough to do it before work…Excitement kicking in! Last time for this workout, including 5 min walk at the end was 46:05. Gotta beat that tomorrow!

Train relentlessly – never quit, never cheat and never give up.

Back side front

After not such a great sleep last night I’m up, and strangely raring to go. Psyched about a huge workout. Not sure where the motivation has come from, but it’s certainly come from somewhere, come up and grabbed me like a vice. Perhaps cause I have a plan. I’m hell excited about the plan and determined to get through every single set, give it 100% and don’t back down! Giving it my all. Here we go!

3 x 8 DB Stiff Legged Dead Lift (16s) / 3 x 12 Standing Cable Row (25), row 150m
3 x 12 Vertical Traction (37.5) / Leg Curl (22.5), row 150m
3 x 12 Reverse Flyes (5s) / 3 x 10 Single Arm Cable Row (12.5, 10, 10)
3 x 12 FB Back Extension
3 x 10 Alt Reverse Lunges (5/side with 6s)
10 x 100m row, 30 sec rest.
Done!

00:53:06
658 Cal; 30% Fat
MHR: 190 bpm; 97%
AHR: 167 bpm; 85%
Zones: H: 25:10; M: 19:38; L: 08:18

Holy shite! Smashed me…was great though. Loving working out with my new hair – it is the shit! No more hats, I am free to express myself in anyway I please…although now there’s nothing to hide my eyes from others when I am filled with pain and exhaustion!

What a huge, great workout! A workout packed with intensity and a determination to do things right. Packed with passion, drive and a fierce determination to get it 100% right 100% of the time. Demand perfection. Demand absolute intensity. Demand committment to my workouts. Committments to succeed.

After the absolute high of completing a huge, great workout my day fell apart. Work was hard. So hard on so many levels. Again I feel like I’m the only one putting in. Mr Important came back today – really just to check his fantasy football scores. It’s fecking rediculous. Gi Joe on the other hand did some work…PT work. Sad & drank coffee & generally strutted around like he runs the place. Ms G came in, and caught me at a bad time. We talked some; talked about what I was feeling. Frustration maybe. Fed up with feeling as though I’m the only one who puts in, yet at the same time I’m the only one who ever gets pineapples for anything that goes wrong as others sit about (drinking coffee) and take the credit for shit I’ve done. I feel that I might as well talk to the tree outside to try to get things done! I know what I’m talking about for god’s sake. Poor Ms G; so thankful that she listened. She’s been very good to me, I suppose returning the kindness I’ve shown her. She feels, like GM, that I’m set to leave. That I’ve made the decision to go. I don’t feel that I have, I am more than prepared to stay, on the proviso that I feel like I’ve something to offer and that I’m contributing. I feel down, fed up and upset. Could have so easily cried, had Ms G pushed the issue. Wanted a hug but couldn’t ask. Hope I feel better tomorrow than I did today.

Crossfit Style!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday…just your average, run of the mill working Sunday…although I was a lot more motivated this morning than I have been, work/cleaning wise, on previous Sundays. Particularly after I downed 8 ice cold coronas last night. Boy were they good! No hangover today, mild headache this morning but on with the day and felt no after effects! Trained this afternoon, trained crossfit style,like a demon was chasing my arse!

20 minutes, as many rounds as possible.
5 Jump Pull Ups
10 D Handle Bench Push ups
15 Air Squats

12 rounds completed. Approx 256 cal burnt during the workout.
30:54
358 Cal, 30% Fat
MHR: 195bpm, 99%
AHR: 165bpm, 84%
Zones: H: 14:32; M: 03:40; L: 10:58

When done I walked up the stairs to say cheerio to the girls still in the kitchen…coming back down…oh my god! my quads! Brought a new nike training vest yesterday – black and very cool! I am starting to see more definition around my shoulders – still, as always resisting around my waist; but I know I need to get fairly low to see that come off. 12 week challenge low. Stretched out Ms G again this arvo – all’s good there, she’s getting back on track. She’s very thankful that I am helping her through this – she brought me some Millers to say thanks – supporting my ‘binge drinking’. So nice to have someone really appreciate what you do for them. Makes all the effort worth while.
Spag bol for dinner tonight, can not wait! I love spag bol!!

Train relentlessly – never quit, never cheat and never give up.

R & R

I feel like I need to rest today. My body feels tired, my shins have that familiar dull ache…I feel drained. I’m feeling guilty at the same time…fuilty that I can’t work up the energy to go and train. I think that I could, if I needed to…that’s the bad thing about this morning…perhaps it’s just that I’m feeling lazy. I’m kind of passing it off, thinking I’ll do it over the weekend. I’m sure that I will get up on Sunday and do it before work…Saturday I’ll do it in the morning. I only hate that the gym doesn’t open till 9…that’s the bad bit about our gym.

I think back to Australia though…I used to go all the time of a Saturday morning…I was always at the gym. I loved being like that…I had so much more energy; slept so much better and felt more alive. More like the person I want to be. I’ve some stuff to do in town today, banking, post & get some credit.

Was feeling a bit funny last night; felt as though something was up. Ms G was in so we were having a chat. Later I sent her a message saying sorry for the weirdness, tired & thinking too much. She wrote back asking what’s up & if there was anything she could do? I wanted to talk to her, but I couldn’t – I don’t know how far I can go with her, how much I can tell her…but I also ran out of credit. Feeling a bit down.
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Murder on the dance floor!…work was alright. Before I got there I’d decided that I was going to do a short, hard workout after I finished. Setting myself up for a big challenge. Normally I’m half asleep by the end of it…I had coffee right up to the death, well 9pm ish. Set up a workout, based on crossfit WOD, although how it compares I’m not sure…haven’t done one in ages.

20-10-5
Bench Push Up
6kg DB Thrusters
Jumping Pull Ups
1/2 Burpee (less PU)

Total Time: 8:53
15:52
162 Cal 35% Fat
MHR: 185 bpm 94%
AHR: 154 bpm 79%

Short but sweet! Not 100% sure on the accuracy of the time…but it’s a good starting point. Broke up all of them all the way through, apart from the last round. Yes it’s only 5, but I was fucked by that stage. Sweat was pouring off me, drained, plantar facia was killing, so fatigued! In all I had the HRM running for 15 mins, so some was recovery, but it’s not over 1 & 1/2 hours later and I can still feel my body burning through the calories. Short but sweet – it wasn’t a huge workout, I feel now as though I could go do something else, but at the end of the day I did something positive in a day where I was going to do nothing at all. Internal motivation to get that done… Doing all the right things!

Ready for bed.

Intensity, Consistency, Persistance & Dedication

Cardio Circuit

Another day arrives. Another day that I can’t seem to summon the energy/motivation/drive to do what needs to be done. I’m pretty sure that it’s coming from lack of planning. I don’t know what I am going to do, and I think that’s derailing my motivation. I think cause every morning I have to get up, think about what I am going to do and then go and do it. I think it would be easier to get going if I knew exactly what I had to do.

I remember feeling somewhat like that at Middlemount. In that case, there, I would just turn to crossfit WODs. The facility was much more suited to Crossfit there, but that shouldn’t stop me. Next week I will have a plan in place, a plan that I stick to every day. A plan of rigorous, unforgiving training that drives me towards where I want to be. Planning can also overcome overtraining, something I need to avoid.

Today I’m thinking of 400m circuits. Run 400m, row 300m, glidex 200m, 20 walking lunges, 20 jump pull ups. 5 rounds for time. Think that should have me sorted out! It’s going to be tough!

Suck it up!
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Started my workout then realised what I’d let myself in for. ‘Oh shit, this is going to kill me’ was my immediate reaction! I scaled the workout down when I realised. Scaled down to 300m run, 200m row, 100m glidex, 20 walking lunges (6kg) & 10 jump pull ups – 4 rounds for time. 5 min hill walk – 5.6kph, 8%.

Round 1: 06:39.38
Round 2: 07:33.50
Round 3: 08:35.47
Round 4: 07:51.51

Stats
46:05
636 Cal, 20% Fat
MHR: 103%
AHR: 91%
Zones: H: 34:12; M: 04:42; L: 06:59

I had to break up the walking lunges (apart from round #4) and all jump pull ups. Glidex killed me and didn’t stand up straight enough, used arms as much as I could, but was so hard. Again I couldn’t even stand the thought of food at the moment…water is doing enough. Not that I’m struggling to keep it down, but I just feel as though it’s sitting heavy in my stomach. Sitting uncomfortably. Murdered myself!