Today feels like the end of another chapter in my life and I’m feeling somewhat apprehensive about it all. Moving on is harder this time. I’ve been here longer than I’ve been anywhere before in my life, well, since I’ve been on the move anyway. My life is about this at the moment, it’s a path that I’ve chosen, and one that I’m not overly comfortable with at the moment. It seems that this up and down lifestyle does in fact come with some down-sides.
I’ve made better friends here than I have anywhere else overseas. I’ve got closer to some of the people here than I have for a long time. I’ve developed some friendships that could potentially rival the one that I have with Lex. Although I do treasure with all my heart the friendship that I have with her, these ones are completely different.
Mrs U said to me a couple of weeks ago “Am I ever going to see you again.” I’d love to be able to say yes to that, but the complete truth is that I 
don’t actually know. That, in itself, is a fairly scary concept. Even more so with K-C. We’ve become so close so quickly it’s pretty scary. The big pink elephant is growing more and more obvious to anyone that looks on. At Bushmills there was a photo taken of us, doing nothing, just standing, talking. The photo appears to be an intimate moment when we’re just there being us. That’s a lot how I feel about her. I feel that I’ve a connection with her, a connection that is just about unrivalled by anyone else. The ex maybe; but that’s gone now. She’s just a feature of my past, and although I still respect and love her; K-C has made me forget about that.
For the briefest of times I’ve felt like she’s my girlfriend. I sometimes stop and think ‘what am I doing’. I’ve noticed that I treat her like my girlfriend. I talk to her like she’s my girlfriend. I like that. It was the other day in the car I asked the simplest of questions, or we had the simplest of conversations going; but it really felt like we were partners. I can’t even remember what it was about and I don’t know how to explain it; it just felt that way at the time.
I was taken aback at the kindness and authenticity of feelings towards me shown at the gym tonight. I was talking to everyone, said the same things a thousand times over and everyone was genuinely interested. I was just standing about, talking to Linda when Cardio Girl arrived with a gift bag. I tried to leave the gym; didn’t really want it done there, but it got done anyway. An Ulster Rugby top. Such a great gift, and such an unexpected surprise. Two minutes later Harv came into the gym and was like ‘er, there’s a delivery here’. I walked out to find flowers, a Thornton’s chocolate cake and another gift bag.
I’m genuinely surprised by the gifts that I’ve received tonight. I’m surprised at the emotion expressed by everyone. It seems that there’s a little sadness in everyone at the moment…wishful thinking on my part maybe, but it certainly seems that the mood in the gym was different tonight.
It made me think that perhaps I really have had an influence, a positive one, on people’s lives. Even people who I didn’t really think I would have had want to know what I’m doing and want to thank me for all that I’ve done. One lady shook my hand and decided she wanted to hug me. I wasn’t really up for it as I don’t feel particularly close to her; but she was having none of it. I asked GI Joe if I could just say ‘I don’t want hugged’. He said that would be rude; and also that that was going to be happening all day. It didn’t, but there was certainly more hugs than I ever would have expected. I’m really humbled by all the words that have been said to and about me over the last couple of weeks. Everyone’s all we’re-going-to-miss-you and it’s really nice.
On the gay side of life, K-C brought a copy of DIVA for me today & read it before she managed to get it to the gym. I was shocked by a text from her saying ‘I’ve to stop reading diva…making me think bad thoughts.’ In typical jovial fashion I replied with ‘are you reading about strap ons?’ but got one back saying ‘not reading. Just flicking…pictures of girls kissing makes me want to.’ What do you say to that. Despite the marriage & 4 kids I think there’s a lot of gay in her. I do, at times, think that if the situation was different she’d be a lesbian. I see a lot of qualities in her that makes me think that; not that I’m stereotyping, but she sets my gay-dar buzzing! We’d an afternoon of ‘Martina Navratilova is my here…’, ‘another one I like…Ellen. Am I gay?’ messages. How does one respond to that? Other than ‘sounds like it!’
Next week will be full of craic. Wednesday is a day with the girls. Belfast drinking probably. There’s been some mention of Port Rush, but I’m not sure if that will happen. Handy Andy wants to meet us in Belfast for a ‘get the load on’ session that night, but I’m not sure that’s the smartest thing to do considering Thursday is my day of love with K-C. I do not want a hangover for that. It’s not actually a day of love, but spending the day with her gives me warm fuzzies. I’m such a girl at times. Wednesday might have to be a scotch and soda day!
I’m pretty screwed for this ABBA party on Saturday. K-C is chauffeuring me to party/dress up shops tomorrow in search of the perfect uniform; and I suspect a little in an effort to see my legs sticking out the bottom of a skirt…
