The trouble with love is…

That at one point or another, due to one cause or another, one leaves the relationship that has been built between two people.  It happens to the best of relationships.  Even the longest lasting, most strong relationships come crashing down when one person leaves; usually through death; but not always.  I feel that I’ve developed a few relationships while in Magheralin and then end drew up on Monday when I left for London.  This morning she asked my why I left ‘them’ anyway; them being the Northern Ireland bunch.  How do you explain the need to leave?  Or the reluctance to be thrown out?

 

I know that in the end I will be ok; but I think a little part of me will always wonder what what might have been if we had of met under different circumstances.  I will always think of her fondly; and regret the chance that I had to have her.  I have found myself thinking about what would happen if I had stayed longer – would she really have fallen for me and left Davus?!

 

Just off the phone to her there.  She has seriously considered leaving Davus for me; that’s the only thing stopping her.  She was disappointed to find that she wouldn’t be able to get a visa for Canada cause of the age thing but said that I’d have to forgo it and head straight for Australia.  I wouldn’t even think about it; merely suggest a long-ish holiday before we head home.  She said she considered how much cash she could get access to and all the things she’d need to sort out.

 

Did she feel she knows me well enough to make that sort of commitment – i.e. just to up and leave for the other side of the world with me…?  She’s not sure she knows me well enough, but she would give it a try.  I said that Nat had asked me the same thing and that I said that yes, I’d be happy to make that decision.  Oh god, why did we start talking about her leaving Davus for me.  Now that’s what I want; that’s all I can think about.  In a way it sort of gives me hope when it shouldn’t be like that.  I shouldn’t be feeling as though there is hope for me and her cause at the end of the day I strongly doubt that she’ll leave her husband.  They say the mistress never gets the man; I wonder if that rings true for the woman who’s having an affair – does she ever leave?

 

We laughed about what people would think.  Actually I said that I thought Mum would fall over if I took her home and was like ‘This is Kate.  You’ve also inherited 4 step-grandkids; but they’re still in Ireland.’  Kate said that she didn’t think that my Mum would think much of her in that case; but I would like to think that Mum would be more accepting than that.  I would like to think that all of my family would accept her and approve of our relationship.  God, this is going to fuck my head up!!

The trouble with love is…

That at one point or another, due to one cause or another, one leaves the relationship that has been built between two people.  It happens to the best of relationships.  Even the longest lasting, most strong relationships come crashing down when one person leaves; usually through death; but not always.  I feel that I’ve developed a few relationships while in Magheralin and then end drew up on Monday when I left for London.  This morning she asked my why I left ‘them’ anyway; them being the Northern Ireland bunch.  How do you explain the need to leave?  Or the reluctance to be thrown out?

 

I know that in the end I will be ok; but I think a little part of me will always wonder what what might have been if we had of met under different circumstances.  I will always think of her fondly; and regret the chance that I had to have her.  I have found myself thinking about what would happen if I had stayed longer – would she really have fallen for me and left Davus?!

 

Just off the phone to her there.  She has seriously considered leaving Davus for me; that’s the only thing stopping her.  She was disappointed to find that she wouldn’t be able to get a visa for Canada cause of the age thing but said that I’d have to forgo it and head straight for Australia.  I wouldn’t even think about it; merely suggest a long-ish holiday before we head home.  She said she considered how much cash she could get access to and all the things she’d need to sort out.

 

Did she feel she knows me well enough to make that sort of commitment – ie just to up and leave for the other side of the world with me…?  She’s not sure she knows me well enough, but she would give it a try.  I said that Nat had asked me the same thing and that I said that yes, I’d be happy to make that decision.  Oh god, why did we start talking about her leaving Davus for me.  Now that’s what I want; that’s all I can think about.  In a way it sort of gives me hope when it shouldn’t be like that.  I shouldn’t be feeling as though there is hope for me and her cause at the end of the day I strongly doubt that she’ll leave her husband.  They say the mistress never gets the man; I wonder if that rings true for the woman who’s having an affair – does she ever leave?

 

We laughed about what people would think.  Actually I said that I thought Mum would fall over if I took her home and was like ‘This is Kate.  You’ve also inherited 4 step-grandkids; but they’re still in Ireland.’  Kate said that she didn’t think that my Mum would think much of her in that case; but I would like to think that Mum would be more accepting than that.  I would like to think that all of my family would accept her and approve of our relationship.  God, this is going to fuck my head up!!

Easy Jet

Today was the final day of my life in Ireland. I miss K-C already, miss Ma, Mrs U – they’ve all come to mean so much to me I’m not sure how to cope without them being there for me. I spent the majority of the morning running about getting things organised, ready to leave. I threw a lot of stuff out and gave a lot more stuff to Kate than I had thought I would. I’ve still quite a heavy bag, but it’s not as bad as I expected. I’m going to have to lighten it if I plan to do the real backpacking thing. I still haven’t decided about that yet. They toasted me with rum before I left & everyone hugged me. Ma barely even touched me before she said ‘bye’ & was away back towards the gym. I looked about and Koff  was out the back door – I’d no idea what was going on until I looked again at Ma & realised that the tears had started. I went upstairs to get my stuff into K’s car then came back & said to her that I was going to the gym to say goodbye to Ma properly. I walked in and she shouted at me to go back to the carpark cause she was waving to me. I said ‘don’t be stupid, come here’ & hugged her. She kissed me on the cheek and started to cry again. It was a pretty sad moment…I really have got to know her very well and feel lucky to have found someone that will look after me when I’m on the other side of the world. At the airport there were no tears, we just sat and talked and had a drink. It was such a laugh. I always have such a laugh with Mrs U; and I always love spending time with K-C. When we decided I had to go I hugged Mrs U & then K-C. She kissed me on the cheek and whispered that she missed me already. I never wanted to let go of her. I wanted her to come with me. They jokingly waved tissues at me as I walked through to security, which I laughed at. Oh my god…I can not imagine never seeing her again. Feel a little sick in the stomach just thinking about it! The tears were held back until I got through security & got a phone call from her; in tears – “I’m not over you”. The 2 minutes didn’t work, not as predicted. I’m not over her either – it will take a lot more than 3 minutes. I’ve really fallen for her. I think I probably even love her. She said that the tears started as soon as she’d walked away & Mrs U turned, looked at her and said ‘you alright?’