That at one point or another, due to one cause or another, one leaves the relationship that has been built between two people. It happens to the best of relationships. Even the longest lasting, most strong relationships come crashing down when one person leaves; usually through death; but not always. I feel that I’ve developed a few relationships while in Magheralin and then end drew up on Monday when I left for London. This morning she asked my why I left ‘them’ anyway; them being the Northern Ireland bunch. How do you explain the need to leave? Or the reluctance to be thrown out?
I know that in the end I will be ok; but I think a little part of me will always wonder what what might have been if we had of met under different circumstances. I will always think of her fondly; and regret the chance that I had to have her. I have found myself thinking about what would happen if I had stayed longer – would she really have fallen for me and left Davus?!
Just off the phone to her there. She has seriously considered leaving Davus for me; that’s the only thing stopping her. She was disappointed to find that she wouldn’t be able to get a visa for Canada cause of the age thing but said that I’d have to forgo it and head straight for Australia. I wouldn’t even think about it; merely suggest a long-ish holiday before we head home. She said she considered how much cash she could get access to and all the things she’d need to sort out.
Did she feel she knows me well enough to make that sort of commitment – ie just to up and leave for the other side of the world with me…? She’s not sure she knows me well enough, but she would give it a try. I said that Nat had asked me the same thing and that I said that yes, I’d be happy to make that decision. Oh god, why did we start talking about her leaving Davus for me. Now that’s what I want; that’s all I can think about. In a way it sort of gives me hope when it shouldn’t be like that. I shouldn’t be feeling as though there is hope for me and her cause at the end of the day I strongly doubt that she’ll leave her husband. They say the mistress never gets the man; I wonder if that rings true for the woman who’s having an affair – does she ever leave?
We laughed about what people would think. Actually I said that I thought Mum would fall over if I took her home and was like ‘This is Kate. You’ve also inherited 4 step-grandkids; but they’re still in Ireland.’ Kate said that she didn’t think that my Mum would think much of her in that case; but I would like to think that Mum would be more accepting than that. I would like to think that all of my family would accept her and approve of our relationship. God, this is going to fuck my head up!!
