Starting all over again. It feels that way anyway. It feels as though I’ve let go of all the work that I did to get to the point where I was looking forward to running. I was in a good place then, even though the bad habits were still there, I was in a better place than I am now. The holiday was the downfall of that.
That’s just an excuse though. Another excuse. I came back from the holiday wanting to do more stuff. More mountain stuff, be more active, eat healthier and just be natually doing the right things. It’s not happened that way, for various reasons but mostly just out of lack of desire and dedication.
I’ve made the decision to go home and do the police thing. Before the holiday I was doing it for that reason only, and I think in the two weeks that I was doing alright I started to lose weight. Nothing overly noticable, but it was there.
Monday is the beginning of a new chapter. I’ve said this so many times before it seems nearly to the point that I don’t actually believe myself when I say it. The way I’m feeling, at the moment, is for me about rock bottom. I’m not eating well, not sleeping, feel fat and disgusting. I’m constantly tired. I get grumpy and cranky. The list is endless. I;m sat here typing with my eyes closed. I’m exhausted. I’ve not long ago had an extra shot latte. That’s 3 shots of espresso and it hasn’t hit me. It did for a little whileIt would be all very easy to say ‘oh well…maybe I just can’t do it.
Being here doesn’t make things easy. It makes things fucking hard, but that’s one of the things that I just need to overcome. People everywhere – drinking, smoking, eating shit – it all makes it harder cause it’s right there infront of me. How fucking bad is this going to have to get before I actually take responsibility for what I’m doing to myself and sort it out?!
Monday is the start of it – I’m embarking on the 5 x 5 program, at the smacky gym, so not the best place, but I’m skint, the gym is cheap and accessible and it’s a beginning. I’ll do the program as prescribed. The only changes being that I’ll be using a rack for the squats when the weight gets up there… I’ll do bench and the additional exercises as prescribed. I’ll run one to two times per week and walk another two times per week. The walks will be disguised as getting places. Eating will be sorted out. All the bad shit I’m doing will be stopped.
There’s no way I can go back to Australia like this. I leave in about 3.5 months, it will be treated somewhat as a 12 week challenge, although not as strict. I just want to be fitter, leaner and more healthy for when I get home. That’s the goal, that’s all that I want out of this.
