missed the eagle

Putting practice required.

Golf today at the rum.  Was not entirely bad.  Not bad at all.  I went round in 97 – 6 more than someone off about 9, and all six shots really came from penalties.  One in the water, one out of bounds and one as a penalty shot when I had to crawl under the bushes to retrieve my ball.  Better than a lost ball, but it would have been nice if had even trickled from the bush out into the other fairway.

Short game was much much better.  Not so much the putting, although I think it was significantly better than the last game I played, but I chipped with a lot more confidence, and think I’ve started to have a bit more faith in hitting my cute little 60 degree wedge.  I was using a pro V for a while there, and it was awesome – it really was like the ball stopped a lot quicker.

Driving was ok, but I’ve started to pull them towards the end – perhaps just a little of playing around with my swing…  On the 18th I’d hit a fair drive, up the middle, but I didn’t really feel as though it went all that well.  We got up there and I took my 3 wood and hit it – long and straight baby!  We got to the green and my ball’s sat, pin high, about 5 foot from the hole, in two, on a par 5.  I think probably the best (and maybe only) eagle chance I’ll ever have.  Missed the putt – on the amateur side, although it wasn’t an easy putt.

Was much happier with golfing today, however I still think there’s plenty of room for improvement.  At least I’m back to playing off 25.  Now I’ve just got to stay there.

My FT set me a pretty rediculous goal for this week – 6:40 of training, burning 4050 cal.  I never thought I could do it while working, but I’ve surprised myself this week.  Although I’m not going to make the target this week (even though I was well on track the whole week and extremely motivated to get there) I think it’s a positive thing.  I was fatigued at the end of the week, but I don’t think that I was to the point that I couldn’t have done one more training session if it had been necessary.  I chose to do nothing on Saturday, and to train relatively easily on Friday in the manner of keeping healthy.  I know that I did some exercise today, with the golf, and although I didn’t make the goal set by my heart rate monitor I’m sure that I’ve achieved more than enough this week.

Even if it’s just having a tune up when I need one!

unravelling the good

What a great weekend I had.  Friday night there were drinks and a delicious roast and polenta dinner here, Saturday I spent all day at work, before heading in for more beers with the rellies.  Sunday we played golf at the town course then had some more drinks.  Obviously, from that ultra quick run down, all the good work from last week was nearly undone with the diet and booze blow out of the weekend.  I’ve really got to tighten up on the control thing here.  One night in at the rellies, as one night a week on the booze is well enough for me while I’m working hard at what I’m doing.

Otherwise, I’m pretty happy with how the training is going.  Have really only been into it a week or so, coming up on two weeks, but it’s starting to feel like routine.  Starting to see some results – my pants were definately looser than a couple of weekends ago when I was out with Dad.  That is pleasing, particularly cause it’s only two weeks.  I think the goal for this week will be to train 2 per day on at least 3 days, and golf twice.  Money’s always an issue with that though.

Golf was ok.  Nothing to write home about.  Hitting the driver well.  Still some inconsistencies to iron out, but it’s the short game that really needs the bulk of the work.  It was atrocious at best.  Putting was not great, missed quite a lot of relatively straight puts – maybe quitting on the follow through as Dad suggested.  Am planning to, and want to get some more work done – perhaps the short course at Innes Park is what I need to do a fair bit of for a while, just until I get the short game under control.  Have tried suggesting that MG put a putting surface in in the yard, but to no avail.  Bastards.  Although understandable – maintenance would be horrendous.

On the upside, we’ve discovered, through extensive research and experimentation, that low carb beer doesn’t give you a hangover!  There’s less alcohol and lower total volume of beer in the bottles, but at the end of the day, when you’ve had 10 stubbies, you feel like you’ve had 10 stubbies.  It’s full on strength but low on carbs, great for the diet and no hangover to boot!

Refreshed goals

So the time has come to get up and do what I want.  Vancouver came and went amidst a blur of booze and unhealthiness.  I’m back home now and things have changed.

I’ve decided to join the police.  It’s something that I’ve wanted forever, and it’s something that I’m extremely passionate about.  I think that now is the right time.  I’m sure that now is the right time.  It feels like the right time in my life to go through this sort of thing – the travel has given me direction; not so much made me more certain about doing this, but made me more confident that this is what I want to do long term.  More confident that I can and will stick this out and forge a career.  More confident that this is where I belong.

I’ve lost the desire to work with fat bastards who expect you can make them skinny and beautiful all while they eat a muffin for breakfast.  I’m tired of dealing with that sort of attitude.

Again

Starting all over again. It feels that way anyway. It feels as though I’ve let go of all the work that I did to get to the point where I was looking forward to running. I was in a good place then, even though the bad habits were still there, I was in a better place than I am now. The holiday was the downfall of that.

That’s just an excuse though. Another excuse.  I came back from the holiday wanting to do more stuff.  More mountain stuff, be more active, eat healthier and just be natually doing the right things.  It’s not happened that way, for various reasons but mostly just out of lack of desire and dedication.

I’ve made the decision to go home and do the police thing.  Before the holiday I was doing it for that reason only, and I think in the two weeks that I was doing alright I started to lose weight.  Nothing overly noticable, but it was there.

Monday is the beginning of a new chapter.  I’ve said this so many times before it seems nearly to the point that I don’t actually believe myself when I say it.  The way I’m feeling, at the moment, is for me about rock bottom.  I’m not eating well, not sleeping, feel fat and disgusting.  I’m constantly tired.  I get grumpy and cranky.  The list is endless.  I;m sat here typing with my eyes closed.  I’m exhausted.  I’ve not long ago had an extra shot latte.  That’s 3 shots of espresso and it hasn’t hit me.  It did for a little whileIt would be all very easy to say ‘oh well…maybe I just can’t do it.

Being here doesn’t make things easy.  It makes things fucking hard, but that’s one of the things that I just need to overcome.  People everywhere – drinking, smoking, eating shit – it all makes it harder cause it’s right there infront of me.  How fucking bad is this going to have to get before I actually take responsibility for what I’m doing to myself and sort it out?!

Monday is the start of it – I’m embarking on the 5 x 5 program, at the smacky gym, so not the best place, but I’m skint, the gym is cheap and accessible and it’s a beginning.  I’ll do the program as prescribed.  The only changes being that I’ll be using a rack for the squats when the weight gets up there…  I’ll do bench and the additional exercises as prescribed.  I’ll run one to two times per week and walk another two times per week.  The walks will be disguised as getting places.  Eating will be sorted out.  All the bad shit I’m doing will be stopped.

There’s no way I can go back to Australia like this.  I leave in about 3.5 months, it will be treated somewhat as a 12 week challenge, although not as strict.  I just want to be fitter, leaner and more healthy for when I get home.  That’s the goal, that’s all that I want out of this.

Fight the urge

K went back to Dublin today, in preparation to fly to Vancouver on tomorrow.  I am glad that she had a good night last night.  Everyone seemed to like her, quite a lot, maybe more than me!

I felt a bit bad today as she wanted me to go to Dublin with her for lunch.  When I woke up the prospect of spending 4 hours on the bus to go to lunch was too much.  A big part of me also wanted to see her.  I know that it was wrong for me not to accompany my sister today, but I just want to spend time with K-C before I go.  I can’t help myself.  I’m looking to spend time with her at every opportunity.  I do not know why.  I have no idea why I like her so much; and I’ve no words to explain the connection – it’s strength or why it’s there even.

After dropping K at the bus we headed for our regular table at Starbucks and chatted for ages.  Lunch turned into dinner in Moira.  Lunch and a drink turned into 7 hours sitting in the booth, playing I-want-to-touch-you-but-know-I-shouldn’t.  There was major contact between the legs, much more physical contact than we’d usually have.  and I liked it.  I wanted more.  She spent the majority of the afternoon sitting behind me, in the same side of the booth but watching the TV over my shoulder.  I would intentionally sit close to her cause I wanted to touch her.  I wasn’t sure how she would react, but she would lean into me a bit, she’d lean really close when I was saying something and would find an excuse to touch some part of my body throughout the afternoon.

I just wanted to lean back and sit, resting against her with her arms around me.  I knew we couldn’t be that public with our displays of affection so fought the urge to take her hand all afternoon.  Was on my best behaviour when she dropped me off, despite having 6 pints & feeling the love in a big way.

ABBA

Played golf with Lego girl and enjoyed it alright even though I didn’t play all that well.  12 points just but it was a nice day and the craic was alright.

Saturday was the ABBA party at The Watsons.  K had come up for the party which was nice as she’s had a bit of a shit time of it in Dublin.  Niamh is probably the biggest bitch in the world, as well as being one of the thickest people in existence.  I know…from personal experience!! 

We went to Munich & Berlin with her around Christmas time last year and it was one of the longest weeks of my life.  Everything from her lack of knowledge about travelling, both where we were travelling to and of how to survive on the road.  We went to some of the most culturally significant areas in Europe, in terms of recent history, and she had not a clue.  I mean seriously…  There was no knowledge of  Nazi history, what the Berlin wall was about and Dachau.  Really; she didn’t even think to bring her camera to Dachau, and even forgot the bloody charger, so took about 3 photos of the whole trip.  She was always bloody whining about money, every-bloody-thing cost too much for her, really, she bloody showed up in sneakers.  It’s Berlin, in the middle of winter – come on!  Enough about that trip, I’m angry with her cause she made K feel like shit.  She didn’t even wish her happy birthday – the bitch! 

I think the party on Saturday somewhat made up for it.   It was a cracking night.  Everyone made a really big effort with the costumes; so everyone fit in great.  When we first walked in it was actually a little difficult to recognise people cause of the get ups & the wigs.  Just about everyone at the club has short hair, but they were all in long wigs for the party and it was hilarious as everyone who didn’t normally ‘have hair’ kept walking around touching it all night.  Kinda crazy really.  By the end of the night I acquired a punk rocker wig with hair sticking everywhere.  There was some discussion about me having long hair & K said that if I did infact grow my hair out it would probably look exactly the same as what the wig looked like.  It was very cool though.

Managed not to get too drunk at the party.  Actually I wasn’t even drunk.  Had maybe 5 or 6 bottles of beer, so was very sensible.  Had good fun though.  The craic was mighty and everyone was in good form.  I really enjoyed the night that we had, I think partially because it was really my last night of ‘my life’; although I guess that Sunday really is the last night before I have to think about packing.

Girly-ness

I really can not be arsed tonight. I’ve got in from work grumpy, irritable and exhausted; showered quickly and am now debating the wisdom of doning a vest for tonight’s birthday dinner, for Ms G, at the Ivory.  Somehow I think I’d be killed if I arrived in a vest, unless it was adorned with sequins or something similarly pretty & girly.  Polo shirt it is.

I’ve found a shirt that looks sufficiently girly/nice, threw some moisturiser on my face, no make up – can not be arsed, some wax in my hair and some Davidoff Cool, for women & I’m ready for the off. Is it terrible of me that I can not be arsed going to one of my friends’ birthday dinners? Or just a sign of how tired I feel today?! Not getting enough sleep; that’s all.  Aside from that I do feel quite fat at the moment.  I know that it’s booze.  I know that if I stopped drinking there wouldn’t be a pick on me; but I love it!  Not to the alcoholic point, but I love it.  I can feel it round my waist, and it feels fucking disgusting.  I’ve been thrown off my training by the sister getting up here; and by the wind down of work; but it’s no excuse.  I do not want to get fat and lazy again.  Yet even as I write this I feel as though I’m not sure if I want to go and train tonight.  How do fatties cope with the feeling of rolls around them all day?  Ugh, disgusting!

On the up-side I’ve only 16 hours left to work.  Being out, alone & unemployed in the world is a pretty scary prospect, yet again.  But I wouldn’t have signed up for the adventure if it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

It seems the seasons, they have a-changed.  Yesterday was absolutely beautiful.  The sun was out, it was mild, when I say mild I mean thermal under Ping shirt for golfing, and the world seemed so much brighter.  Today I noticed the length of the afternoons more than I have before.  Although it is only 5pm I really felt a bit weird showering and getting ready to go out when it’s still light outside.  You really have no concept of the time here, and I think it’s a lot due to the amount of light in the summer, and the darkness in winter.  Also it’s so noticable cause of the speed at which it seems to change.  Dublin I think is said to change at about 3 minutes per day.  Up here I think, heard somewhere, and probably unreliably, that it’s more like 5.  5 minutes out of a day doesn’t seem like much, but it does make a difference.

My head is filled with all sorts of randomness today. First, I believe I may be starting to miss K-C when I even think about leaving.  Second, just as I am sat here I found myself wondering if Jillian was heading to the gym tonight. I’ve spoken to her via messenger since the incident; but haven’t seen her.  Sort of wonder if we need to talk about this. The compassionate side of me; especially seeing as how she said she’s having a little trouble wrapping her head around the whole issue.  Over the last couple of days I’ve caught myself wondering if I could be with her.  I’m not sure I could, but then I really don’t know her from outside the gym setting.  Or enough to know that anyway.

After my performance on Friday night, and Mrs U & I deciding that we were getting married, I happened to mention it to Jillian; saying that I’m not really the marrying type.  It was all in fun until I began to wonder, given my track record, and my inability to be 100% sure that I won’t cheat again, am I really not the marrying type?  Do I have the ability to remain faithful?  I really like to think that I could…but I’m just not sure.  Sad, isn’t it?

Chavs, big-mouthed D-Listers & a marriage.

That media-hungry slapper Jade Goody is back in the spotlight again. Granted, it’s not overly spectacular that she’s got cancer and is going to kick it pretty soon, but one would think that anyone reasonable would want to go out with a bit of dignity; not bloody splashing their ‘poor me’ sob story all over the papers. No, not the big-mouthed-racist-chav I’m-famous-for-being-famous Jade-bloody-Goody. I can not stand her. She’s a big-mouthed slapper, who really is the chav of chavs who just happened to be accepted into D-list ‘fame’ when she was on Big Brother. Her ensuing success is nothing to do with her talent (or what would appear to be lack of) – pure publicity. Today her publicist got on the radio; and I would have thought that Radio One would have had better things to broadcast; saying she wanted to make as much money as possible for her boys. Fair enough. I can see her point. But then in the same breath this numpty said she’s being so open about her illness to promote awareness to other women & that her stories have prompted an increase in women & teenage girls having smears. My arse she is concerned about that. It’s all about the money and the celebrity status for her. And it’s sad that people have so little in their lives they’re increasingly interested in this sort of bollocks. But that’s the reality of the celebrity obsessed culture that is Britain. Not that I’m knocking Britain…I wouldn’t dream of doing that. Just; you know.

Speaking of chavs, Rushmere was full of them today. I actually saw three girls walking along the side walk in those god-awful velor tracksuit bottoms. Purple and Hot Pink no less. Chavs. They sit about the shopping centre drinking cider from the can, & smoking giant splifs while looking generally raggedy, untidy and trying to look intimidating; all the while free loading off the public system. It might be completely inaccurate & big-headed, but I feel increasingly ‘better’ (for lack of a more apt word) than a lot of people I see about on the street – maybe just cause I actually look in the mirror before I go out, even just to the shops; and cause I get around to brushing my teeth more than once a week. Is that me having standards? Or is it that I do have standards, but they may be too high (say brushing your teeth twice a day – credit crunch & all) and henceforth I’m just plain judgemental if people can not meet said expectations and standards of dress and behaviour? Are we at finishing school?

Giving off done…I’ve spent the majority of the evening playing on my latest acquisition. A brand spanking new Advent 4211C netbook. It seems to be quite class, and I can confidently say that, with some adjustment & getting used to the smaller screen size, my fingers being more mashed together when I type and having a single control button for the finger panel, I could love the thing. It’s all very dinky and quite a sexy piece of kit. At 120G memory I‘m hoping that it stores enough of my photos and files to get me home. It seems quite handy, and relatively speedy, compared to the brick of a laptop I’ve had before. Here’s hoping the little thing lives up to my expectations.  I can not wait to see what it can do on the fly!

In other news, Mrs U & I are getting married. Decided over pints at Mary’s and only out of a her getting me to stay. ‘This is going to sound so gay…’ was the most common statement of the night coming out of her mouth and was frequently followed by some comment along the lines of ‘I cried this morning in the shower when I thought about you leaving’ or ‘I’m going to be heart broken when you leave’. So I simply suggested that for me to stay she’d have to marry me. Apparently would be no bother whatsoever, despite her already being married to Mr U. Although there would be none of the business…just a marriage of convenience. Would suit me down to the ground, just as long as I had the Army girl to keep me company on cold, lonely nights. Mrs U is now referred to as ‘Wifey’ or “Alpha Wife”. Clearly I should recognise my place and stay put.

Dirty work

So much to say, yet so little to write.  Today we’ve been off driving about, just doing general touristy/signtseeing sort of stuff.  It was a pretty laid back day really.  Not much happening on the face to face front, but there was plenty happening via text.

Zooming off in a sweet black astra we drove to sprucefield before heading to to Newcastle for coffee and some delicious waffles with mint ice cream, on Kate’s recommendation, at Mauds.  I was speaking to her at one point, when she was walking home from church.  She said she just couldn’t stick it, so up and left.  She end up walking to Waringstown, about 3.5 miles before she was collected.  I could not believe she just up and left.  Although I have previously spent the majority of a musical performance, held in a church, either asleep or texting.  Maybe it was the church thing.

Again the majority of the day was spent trying to dirty up the car as much as possible.  After a bit more driving, without getting lost, thankfully, we headed for M & S and then back home to watch the rest of Ireland Vs Italy in the 6 Nations.  Ran into quite a few people I knew at M & S which seemed to impress the sister quite a lot.  Was actually a pretty interesting game, there were a few blokes taken off with smashed up faces and a whole lot of blokes in tight pants, which admittedly isn’t really my thing, but they sure do look fit. 

After the rugby we were off to Marys again with K-C and Mrs U.  So much for being sensible.  K-C brought the sister home at 8.15ish and Mrs U and I stayed on until 11; talking shite & drinking pints till we were told to get out.  The night really just turned into an ‘Am I Gay’ night.  Apparently yes!

Hangover free

Massive, massive night at my leaving do on Friday. 

What a random and confusing night.  I was on the vodka, water & lime for a fair bit of the night, until it got somewhat sickly & I headed straight back to my standard scotch & soda.  There were a whole load of people there which I was really pleased about.  I wasn’t sure how many people would actually show up, but thankfully there were millions there.  I had a line up of drinks behind the bar, and feel confident that I left about 10 drinks there.  Surprising.   

Was a really great night, and we’ve some class photos from it.  No doubt there will be some piss taking done on Monday.  Actually, probably tuesday, given that’s when I’ll be seeing them all again.  I’m a bit unsure about seeing med rep girl due to the shenanigans we were engaging in during my little awol stint.  I’m not entirely sure whose fault it was, but safe to say that a fair bit went on, and no doubt it will be discussed at some stage in the near future.  Infact now.  Interesting.  Again I have to hang my head in shame…