Hit about

Played some squash today.  By myself just, but it was still a good run around.  Probably better than I expected.

I think just cause of all the jumping about etc the HRM wasn’t really registering for about a third of the time.  I’ve adjusted the calorie count as per that.  Some websites say you burn 650+ for an hour.  Considering I was working pretty hard, and I did it for 55 mins I think that it was a pretty accurate estimate.

I just plugged the numbers into this website http://jumk.de/bmi/calorie-consumption.php and it said I would have burnt approx 980.  Again, not entirely sure how accurate all of these are, but it’s what I’ve got.

55:35

756 cal, 15% fat

AHR: 160

MHR: 190

Very little point in writing the zones in here as they weren’t accurate.  I think when I go back I might take up squash.  It’s something that can be done in an hour, and it’s a great workout.  What more can I say.  I guess I’ll just keep doing it out here and see how we go.  I also can’t say that I’m really missing the booze.  Had a couple the other night, but that was it.  I think I’m feeling better for it, but then it’s hard to really know when I’m out here doing nothing but working.

Have a bit of a headache.  I ran out of water during squash, but have had another 500ml while being back in the room.  Probably time for some food.  Going vego today on the salad side of things.  The ham isn’t the best, so think I’ll try skipping it every second day for a while and see how that works for me.

See…motivation seems to be back!

returned

So, once again, we restart.

A lot has happened to me since I last wrote. I moved, I worked, I fell for someone, I got screwed over, I moved back, my heart broke, my heart repaired itself. I got fat. I got unfit.

So it feels very much as though I am right back at the beginning; although without the same motivation I once had.

The motivation should be there. Police is the external drive that should fuel intrinsic motivation. Motivation has somewhat returned albeit in minimal form. It was a bit of a shock at how badly unfit I am at the moment. After running only 2k I was fucked. Absolutely fucked! Truly atrocious how I’ve let this happen.

rut diving

I’m officially in a rut, golf wise.  I didn’t think that things could actually get much worse than they have been over the last week or so, but again my expectations have been exceeded.  Although this time not in a positive way.  Today was awful.  There are no other words to describe the sheer atrocity that was golf today.  Train wreck.

The back nine wasn’t so bad, and neither, I guess was the front 4 holes, that we played after starting on the 5th.  The 5th to the 10th was awful.  Just awful.  I really felt that even though I wasn’t hitting the ball all that well, and that I was just mishitting a lot of short chips, in terms of distance, that a lot of the cookie crumbs just didn’t fall with me.  A few putts hit the hole then passed it, most probably should have dropped.  I drove to the middle of the fairway on the 2nd, aiming that way and it kicked left at about a 45deg angle down to behind the trees, where I normally come from.  I chose the right club, Gap as it was shorter than normal, and hit it well and right to where I wanted it to go, and it went off the back.  I hit my P from the tee on the 7th, and it wound up about 35 m over the back.  When do I ever fucking hit the P 125m??  Just nothing worked today.  Driver was going ok, better towards the back 9.  Putting, although not all that great, was better.  32 but that isn’t reflective as I putted in twice from off the green.  I seemed to find that a lot easier than controlling my short chips today.

I just don’t know where to start in fixing it.  Perhaps it’s time for some lessons.  It was also really slow today – not as slow as NI; but pretty bloody slow for a par 64 course.  The slowness definitely reflected in my AHR & Cal for the session

3:33:33 (conveniently enough)

743 cal, 53%

AHR: 103

MHR: 142

The gym after wasn’t so bad.  I actually felt as though it was a good time to run.  Running didn’t hurt my shins at all, even though the medial side of my left calf was a little tight.  There was absolutely no pain down the shins at all.  I’m trying to run, more on my toes, rather than having my heel go down first on footstrike.  I’m striking with the ball of my foot and just in front of my hip.  I guess that by using this form I’m trying to eliminate the primary concern for me, and shin splints – impact through the heel.  I haven’t been running for a few days, so the rest may have something to do with it; but I think the altered running form, regular icing (almost nightly) and stretching (not nightly, but getting there) are helping.  I wore SKINS Powersocks to bed the other night.  They weren’t uncomfortable at all with the exception of a little bit of tenderness in the morning when I woke – from the firm upper cuff.  Today I thought that my legs weren’t as fatigued when just walking, before golf.

Run Intervals – endurance

walk 2 mins

run 5 mins @ 9.2, walk 1 min x 4

10 mins cycle – random program (climb) – level 5 to finish

37:40

505 cal, 15%

AHR: 170

MHR: 189

I surprised myself a bit with the run today.  I don’t know why I did longer intervals, it just felt like the right thing to do at the time.  I did the first couple fairly easily, but the second two of the 5 min runs were tough, but I did them.  I honestly surprised myself with how well I run them, I felt comfortable all the way, not like I was overly stressed – although my heart rate certainly was higher on the last two of the four that I ran.  It didn’t really get above 186 though which is good.

I don’t know if I’m seeing results or not.  Some days I am, some days I’m not.  I’m back at the 5 x 5 tomorrow morning, squatting might be hard, but it’s only 35.  That’s what I’m up to now.  I can’t wait to do overhead press again as I think, when I get to the top and hold briefly, I look like I’ve lost weight in that position, although my eyes could be fooling me.  The Aunt seems to think that I’ve lost more weight, when questioned about my legs due to the work shorts dilemma.  I hate trying to lose weight, but I’m finally feeling as though I might be making a little bit of progress.  Mostly down to food choices I think – eating right and making sensible decisions, with my head not my mouth.  But then again, wtf do I know?!  Socks on again tonight, we’ll see how the morning goes.

my brother. the arsehole.

The title says it all I guess. I’m not sure there’s anything more to say, other than to give reasons for the above statement.

He’s become so hard and seems to have lost his heart. He’s being an arsehole about Christmas. We’re having a massive family Christmas this year. Everyone’s excited about it, me particularly cause it’s my first Christmas at home for a couple of years. I’m excited to get together with everyone and to give gifts and share the experience with everyone.

I’m particularly organised this year and have most of my presents mostly done already. My brother’s getting a book. The exact book that he asked for. He had asked me a couple of days ago what I wanted. Today I sent a text back to him saying that I’d like a Scotty Cameron putter cover. I told him what colour I would like, where you can get them and also how much they cost. Then I sent one saying that if it was too much hassle or if they were too expensive (around about $50 – so not really all that expensive) that he could just get me something else, something smaller. I got a reply saying ‘lets not worry about presents. Can we just buy for M & D and let secret santa (our family-wide, keep the costs down gift giving experience) take care of the rest?’. I sent a message back along the lines of ‘no, that’s not what I or my sister want to do’. It escalated from there. He doesn’t want a present and doesn’t want to give one. I’m not sure if it’s laziness or tightness. It can not, rationally, be tightness when he’s no issue with going out at the weekend and spending $500. I said that I didn’t understand, but thought that it would be difficult to understand the meaning of Christmas, and the gestures associated with gift giving and receiving, unless you’d had one or two Christmases away from the family. That has made Christmas more special to me.

His drinking is also out of control. My sister lives in Vegas, round the corner from him. She can not even get him to come and help her put together her new flatpack furniture. That’s really shit. He didn’t come over cause he was too hungover, when he got there he stayed for about 20 minutes and she said he spent the entire time on the phone. She was ultra upset cause she overheard him talking to his friends about how he’s banned from the Normanby. That isn’t the most upmarket place about, but they don’t ban you for nothing.

I would have thought the ‘getting the shit kicked out of him, arrested, charged and fined’ incident from earlier this year would have taught him a thing or two about respect and not acting up when you’re out. Obviously not.

the f word

I’m told, by my FT 60 that this is to be an easier training week.  I wasn’t really all that sure why cause last weeks’s stats were down on what I considered to be an easier week, although I have smashed my training and body in the last few weeks.  No wonder it’s telling me it’s time to dial it back.

I’m grumpy as anything today and consequently saying the f word quite a lot.  I could eat the face off anyone who annoys me.  And nearly everyone is annoying me in one way or another.  I’m just grumpy.  This girl at work is an idiot.  She’s an idiot at the best of times but today she’s being particularly annoying (perhaps I’m perceiving that she’s more annoying cause of my lowered bullshit tolerance level) today, and she’s doing it on purpose.  FARK!!  Just laziness, and immaturity – she would rather ask for help before looking herself of trying to do whatever it is that she has to do. 

She’s 16, so I guess that explains the immaturity.  She quit school and moved out of home just a few months ago.  Her father also died earlier this year, and I’m not completely compassionless to that; I’m sure that it would be one of the things that I would most struggle to deal with; but that’s no reason for her to leave school.  Her english, and spelling, is terrible.  She really should be at school still, learning to spell and speak english properly.  I cam so close to telling her that she had the english of a 10 year old when she was pronouncing badminton ‘bat-minton’.  Idiot.  She’s a classic case of an occa who needs more education.  She also needs to be corrected when she says the wrong words, like ‘how are yous’.  Yous is not a word.

Anyway, she’s annoying me today, so much so that I needed to come to the other shop to get away a bit.  I think I’m also annoyed at my own performance last night.  I drank too much and didn’t sleep at all well.  Not cool.  We spent all weekend fencing – tearing down one fence and putting up a 6 foot colourbond fence in its place.  It was hot all weekend, and save for little bits here and there we were out in the sun all weekend.  Although I didn’t really do that much work with the crowbar I still felt as though I was tired – and in need of a drink last night.  The frosty beers were good too.

missed the eagle

Putting practice required.

Golf today at the rum.  Was not entirely bad.  Not bad at all.  I went round in 97 – 6 more than someone off about 9, and all six shots really came from penalties.  One in the water, one out of bounds and one as a penalty shot when I had to crawl under the bushes to retrieve my ball.  Better than a lost ball, but it would have been nice if had even trickled from the bush out into the other fairway.

Short game was much much better.  Not so much the putting, although I think it was significantly better than the last game I played, but I chipped with a lot more confidence, and think I’ve started to have a bit more faith in hitting my cute little 60 degree wedge.  I was using a pro V for a while there, and it was awesome – it really was like the ball stopped a lot quicker.

Driving was ok, but I’ve started to pull them towards the end – perhaps just a little of playing around with my swing…  On the 18th I’d hit a fair drive, up the middle, but I didn’t really feel as though it went all that well.  We got up there and I took my 3 wood and hit it – long and straight baby!  We got to the green and my ball’s sat, pin high, about 5 foot from the hole, in two, on a par 5.  I think probably the best (and maybe only) eagle chance I’ll ever have.  Missed the putt – on the amateur side, although it wasn’t an easy putt.

Was much happier with golfing today, however I still think there’s plenty of room for improvement.  At least I’m back to playing off 25.  Now I’ve just got to stay there.

My FT set me a pretty rediculous goal for this week – 6:40 of training, burning 4050 cal.  I never thought I could do it while working, but I’ve surprised myself this week.  Although I’m not going to make the target this week (even though I was well on track the whole week and extremely motivated to get there) I think it’s a positive thing.  I was fatigued at the end of the week, but I don’t think that I was to the point that I couldn’t have done one more training session if it had been necessary.  I chose to do nothing on Saturday, and to train relatively easily on Friday in the manner of keeping healthy.  I know that I did some exercise today, with the golf, and although I didn’t make the goal set by my heart rate monitor I’m sure that I’ve achieved more than enough this week.

Even if it’s just having a tune up when I need one!

tune up

Went in for a tune up today.  After so many hours I feel rundown and tired, like a car I suppose – need a good lube at times.  My neck was so sore, and it was radiating down into my trap, both high and lower, and into my scap stabilisers.  When I couldn’t take it anymore I headed for some healing hands.  Wasn’t too bad at all.

It’s both sad, and weird that that’s the most naked a chick’s seen me in a while.  I don’t like it being like that.  I want a girlfriend…  shit.  The massage was good though.  She kept doing this zig zaggy thing – up one side of my back, down the other.  Back up and then back down again.  Then she lifted my scapulae & did it round the medial borders of each of them.  I thought I was going to die while she was doing that.  Not so much sore, but uncomfortable.  Bloody uncomfortable.  It’s a weird feeling, having someone dig their fingers under your shoulder blades.  The zig zaggy thing happened again – down my calves, then down my tib ant, then up my hamstrings.  I can’t say that she was overly rough, or nearly as hard as the girls lead me to believe, but she got into it and gave me a bit of a touch up.  Was pretty happy actually.  She said that I was ‘strong’ around my shoulders, and well built through the back of my shoulders; also that I had well developed calves (I bloody know, and hate).  She wasn’t surprised at all that I was built after I’d told her that I don’t mind a bit of powerlifting occasionally.

By the end of the massage I was feeling much better – and had better range and less soreness in my neck and shoulders.  Perhaps a once a week tune up is the way to go…

unravelling the good

What a great weekend I had.  Friday night there were drinks and a delicious roast and polenta dinner here, Saturday I spent all day at work, before heading in for more beers with the rellies.  Sunday we played golf at the town course then had some more drinks.  Obviously, from that ultra quick run down, all the good work from last week was nearly undone with the diet and booze blow out of the weekend.  I’ve really got to tighten up on the control thing here.  One night in at the rellies, as one night a week on the booze is well enough for me while I’m working hard at what I’m doing.

Otherwise, I’m pretty happy with how the training is going.  Have really only been into it a week or so, coming up on two weeks, but it’s starting to feel like routine.  Starting to see some results – my pants were definately looser than a couple of weekends ago when I was out with Dad.  That is pleasing, particularly cause it’s only two weeks.  I think the goal for this week will be to train 2 per day on at least 3 days, and golf twice.  Money’s always an issue with that though.

Golf was ok.  Nothing to write home about.  Hitting the driver well.  Still some inconsistencies to iron out, but it’s the short game that really needs the bulk of the work.  It was atrocious at best.  Putting was not great, missed quite a lot of relatively straight puts – maybe quitting on the follow through as Dad suggested.  Am planning to, and want to get some more work done – perhaps the short course at Innes Park is what I need to do a fair bit of for a while, just until I get the short game under control.  Have tried suggesting that MG put a putting surface in in the yard, but to no avail.  Bastards.  Although understandable – maintenance would be horrendous.

On the upside, we’ve discovered, through extensive research and experimentation, that low carb beer doesn’t give you a hangover!  There’s less alcohol and lower total volume of beer in the bottles, but at the end of the day, when you’ve had 10 stubbies, you feel like you’ve had 10 stubbies.  It’s full on strength but low on carbs, great for the diet and no hangover to boot!

Refreshed goals

So the time has come to get up and do what I want.  Vancouver came and went amidst a blur of booze and unhealthiness.  I’m back home now and things have changed.

I’ve decided to join the police.  It’s something that I’ve wanted forever, and it’s something that I’m extremely passionate about.  I think that now is the right time.  I’m sure that now is the right time.  It feels like the right time in my life to go through this sort of thing – the travel has given me direction; not so much made me more certain about doing this, but made me more confident that this is what I want to do long term.  More confident that I can and will stick this out and forge a career.  More confident that this is where I belong.

I’ve lost the desire to work with fat bastards who expect you can make them skinny and beautiful all while they eat a muffin for breakfast.  I’m tired of dealing with that sort of attitude.

Again

Starting all over again. It feels that way anyway. It feels as though I’ve let go of all the work that I did to get to the point where I was looking forward to running. I was in a good place then, even though the bad habits were still there, I was in a better place than I am now. The holiday was the downfall of that.

That’s just an excuse though. Another excuse.  I came back from the holiday wanting to do more stuff.  More mountain stuff, be more active, eat healthier and just be natually doing the right things.  It’s not happened that way, for various reasons but mostly just out of lack of desire and dedication.

I’ve made the decision to go home and do the police thing.  Before the holiday I was doing it for that reason only, and I think in the two weeks that I was doing alright I started to lose weight.  Nothing overly noticable, but it was there.

Monday is the beginning of a new chapter.  I’ve said this so many times before it seems nearly to the point that I don’t actually believe myself when I say it.  The way I’m feeling, at the moment, is for me about rock bottom.  I’m not eating well, not sleeping, feel fat and disgusting.  I’m constantly tired.  I get grumpy and cranky.  The list is endless.  I;m sat here typing with my eyes closed.  I’m exhausted.  I’ve not long ago had an extra shot latte.  That’s 3 shots of espresso and it hasn’t hit me.  It did for a little whileIt would be all very easy to say ‘oh well…maybe I just can’t do it.

Being here doesn’t make things easy.  It makes things fucking hard, but that’s one of the things that I just need to overcome.  People everywhere – drinking, smoking, eating shit – it all makes it harder cause it’s right there infront of me.  How fucking bad is this going to have to get before I actually take responsibility for what I’m doing to myself and sort it out?!

Monday is the start of it – I’m embarking on the 5 x 5 program, at the smacky gym, so not the best place, but I’m skint, the gym is cheap and accessible and it’s a beginning.  I’ll do the program as prescribed.  The only changes being that I’ll be using a rack for the squats when the weight gets up there…  I’ll do bench and the additional exercises as prescribed.  I’ll run one to two times per week and walk another two times per week.  The walks will be disguised as getting places.  Eating will be sorted out.  All the bad shit I’m doing will be stopped.

There’s no way I can go back to Australia like this.  I leave in about 3.5 months, it will be treated somewhat as a 12 week challenge, although not as strict.  I just want to be fitter, leaner and more healthy for when I get home.  That’s the goal, that’s all that I want out of this.