07/12

The patient is in Melbourne, and I’m so much happier.  Is this a strange coincidence or is it somehow connected.  The more I think about it, the more I think it’s connected.  I’m not sure where the problem is, but I definitely think the two are connected.  I guess it’s just a shift in attitude when he’s about.  I feel like I’m in the way when he’s here, and when he’s not, well my whole attitude shifts.

I guess it’s partly that I feel that the patient is always negative around me, and around me doing anything that’s good.  The near hole in one from Friday, all he could say was “sure you did, it took you six shots to get it there”.  It’s a real knocking attitude; and it’s applied to everything.  Condescending maybe.  I don’t know, but it makes me feel negative too.  I don’t like it and am becoming more and more convinced that that’s the issue with me being here.

Trained the 5 x 5A again before work this morning.  I feel as though it’s going well, and certainly being a shorter program makes it easier to get here and get it done.  It only took about 25mins this morning which is really short, but I still felt as though I’m working hard. 

5 x 5 A

Squat @ 30

Bench @ 30

Inverted Row – 10, 8, 8

Push ups – 12, 8, 8

Reverse Crunch – 3 x 12

5 mins bike

 

30:46

257 cal, 33%

AHR: 136

MHR: 163

 Felt stronger today, weight wise.  The squats weren’t as painful as what they were toward the end of last week; although I’m really only up to the end of the first week now.  The increase in squat weight was pretty easy to cope with, and the Bench hardly feels as though it’s working; although I’m pretty sure I’m going to miss the bench weight before I do the squat weight.  I put my size 12 shorts on today, and definitel feel as though they’re as tight, if not tighter then when I first started.  It’s not cool.  I also put on my golf shorts on a regular basis (obviously) and they really don’t show much improvement either…and they’re button up, so that’s where the improvement should be showing.  Thinking I’m going to have to ask the Aunt if I’m still fat tonight.

re-entry to hell

So I’m back in the real world.  The world that’s too real for me.  I am beginning to hate this world.

I was at work for 4 hours today before I felt the need to kill someone.  I picked up my salomon shoes from startrack today only to open it and find that cause I don’t have a fucking receipt that they wouldn’t be classed as defective so he literally just put some superglue over the hole that’s in it.  I’m so fucking angry about that.  There is no way that the shoes even look as though they’re out of warranty, it’s a 12 month period.  I’ve set Mum out on a mission to find the receipt, then I’m going to call him and ask for a whole new pair, cause the repair job is less than adequate and it looks like fucking shit.  I feel the need to use the C word, although I’m really trying not to at the moment.

I don’t want to be here.  I hate work, I hate that the ginger screams.  It’s turned from squealing to screaming.  Just flat out screaming.  He screamed for about 4 hours this morning.  I can not deal with this anymore.  I like the lifestyle, but I hate being here.  Today things got so bad I phoned Mum to ask if she’d mind me if I came home.  She said yes.

I trained this morning before work.  I did the 5 x 5 program then did some cardio.  It was a good and hard session.  I’m sick of the fucking recovery weeks.  I continually fail to meet the standard, even though I’ve had 3 weeks to do the recovery ‘week’ as prescribed.  I always do too much, although I feel as though it’s still not doing enough.  I think that after 3 weeks of watered down workouts and weekly plans I’m recovered enough.  Bloody FT60.

5 x 5 A

S – 25

BP – 27.5

Inv Row – 10, 8, 6

Push Up – 10, 7, 6

3 x 12 Rev Crunches

1:01

710 cal, 22%

AHR: 155

MHR: 211

I felt a lot stronger today; particularly through the weights portion of the workout.  I really enjoyed it, but didn’t feel as though i was pushing as hard as I can.  I guess I’m just trying to do the program as prescribed – stick to something for once in my stupid fucking life.

I had a long and indepth discussion with my friend at the weekend, about all the issues that are in both of our lives.  It was the first time I’ve really had to describe how bad things are to someone else, or why exactly I feel that something is wrong.  There’s nothing that I can pinpoint, but of a morning when I wake up I’m generally surprised when I don’t feel shit.  Either the day’s going to be good, or going to be bad, and I can generally tell from the outset.  I hate waking up feeling shit, but that’s the majority of my life at the moment.

This isn’t a self pity or sympathy fishing trip, I’m telling how it is.  How I feel.

I can’t decide what the worst part of my life is at the moment…but I can’t see a quick escape; which is making me feel about a thousand times worse for it.

recovery week

This is my recovery week. I’m struggling with it. Everyday I want to train, which is a very good thing, but training to me means going hard. Everyday I need to remind myself that it’s a recovery week and that I’m ‘not’ to go hard.

Missed work today. Read the rota wrong. Pure and simple mistake; that’s all it was. Got up and headed to the range, to find out that it was closed so I headed out to Innes Park for a round. The round wasn’t very good, to say the least. On my return to the house I found out that they’d called. I was supposed to be at work at half 8. I was sure that it was half 12; and I got home in enough time to get to work for half 12, but they didn’t need me. Swapped for some hours this morning instead.

Went to the beach this afternoon for some walk run stuff. Walked 400m then run 100, walk 50 to the end of it. Running in the softer sand made things really hard. I started to feel my calves getting tighter than they normally feel so pulled up, but cardio wise I was getting a huge workout by the end of the 100m in the soft sand.

This afternoon I went to the beach for a bit of a run/walk style thing and then some range work. Work on my short game. I was getting better by the end of it – I took 5 balls and hit my 60 from about 40m, the aim to get all 5 on the green before I could go home. It took four tries to get it done; but by the end I felt as though I was hitting the ball a lot better which is something, perhaps the thing, that I felt was missing this morning. I think, technique wise this morning the main issues were that I wasn’t watching the ball well enough and that I was letting my right leg dip as I turned through the backswing. I definitely noticed an improvement in the way I hit it when I focused on tightening up my right knee when I was moving through the backswing. I think that this kept my head steadier, and as such I watched the ball a lot better. A cue I focused on this afternoon was to make sure I could see the ball right through to impact. I felt a big difference, psychologically when I got to the top of the backswing and could see the ball as my left shoulder seemed to slip under my chin. It was something I started to look for in the when I was towards the end of hitting my 60. Was actually pretty happy with how the longer pitches went.

I also worked on controlling the length of carry when chipping over about 10m with my 60. I would pick a spot on the green and aim to carry the ball to there, with the intention of getting run after that. I think, once I’ve more control over how far I can carry the ball – i.e. can carry it to a certain point on the green then life in terms of chipping will become a lot easier. That makes it more about reading the speed of the greens rather than trying to get backspin to stop the ball near the flag. I think backspin, for me, will be more effective when I’m using a fuller 60 shot from about 30 – 40m. I’m thinking I’ll head down there again tomorrow for some more work.

gore-torn

So today I found a rip in my trail running shoes/hiking boots.  Not happy Jan!  I promptly phoned Kathmandu in Brisvegas asking what to do seeing as how they are less than 6 months old and were purchased in Canada.  After much searching and very little success on the Salomon website I enlisted the help of Kathmandu again.  Head to this number and speak to this guy; and good luck I was told.

No bother.  The chick was really lovely about it after I’d explained the situation and she promptly set up for me to return the shoes to have them assessed.

These shoes are one of my favourite pieces of kit.  The Salomon XA Pro 3D I have, purchased in Vancouver for the bargain price (we’ll call it good negotiating skills) of $125 CAD. I really should have written about these little foot rockets before this, but well, I guess I just took them for granted, and didn’t actually have to think about them.

They are light, waterproof and provide excellent grip, in all situations that I’ve encountered while wearing them.  Covered in Gore-Tex, and completely waterproof, I would have thought they’d weigh more than 390g – but they certainly don’t feel like it.  The shoe is, infact, completely waterproof.  Wearing them to the beach a couple of weeks ago, the got all mucky so I just washed them off under the tap – my foot, dry as a bone.  They’re comfortable, courtesy of the Orhtolite sockliner.  Although these don’t make it feel as though you’re walking on little pockets of cloud all day, they fit like a glove.  Something to do with Salomon’s ‘Sensifit’ that “works to cradle the food providing a precise and secure fit”.  It works.  I’ve never felt slippy or unstable in these shoes despite the pretty much elastic lacing system.  I also like the laces.  It literally takes about 3.5 seconds to do them up, and getting them off is just as quick – just release the clasp and you’re pretty much done.  Another thing I really like about these shoes is that they’ve included a rubber toe-cap to ward off any nasties that come your way when wearing them – we all stub our toes from time to time.  I really like these shoes.

I also love the fact that after a bit of searching someone on the end of the phone was actually helpful with my warranty questions.  No questioning or bitching at all – just help.  I like that

Today was an easier training day.  This morning, feeling motivated, I pumped out 15k on the bike in 25:50.  Not a bad way to start the day.  This afternoon I went for a more leisurely stroll down the beach.  It was a walk without a purpose.  I just wanted to get out and walk for a bit, and what better place than my local 800m stretch of beach.  It wasn’t so bad.  Took my little phone and made the little GPS gizmo in it do some work.  I quite liked the walk this afternoon – it wasn’t too stressful, but most of the time I was working in zone 2, where I find it hardest.  That might become a regular event.  The high MHR is due to a couple of little jog stretches that I did.  Just to see how I went.

15k – 25:50

27:44

365 cal, 15%

AHR: 169

MHR: 181

Walk

26:43

249 cal, 33%

AHR: 138

MHR: 171

Just as I’d turned to come back a couple that were walking in the opposite direction to me as I headed south were walking about knee deep in the water.  A smallish white was came up and nearly barrelled the chick.  She actually did the pre-fall stumble, but managed to regain her composure without getting her hair wet (not that she was a prima donna or the like).  She retreated to the other side of her husband, and to shallower waters after that little run in.

smashy smash

I’m not overly sure what the hell I was thinking when I decided to do a crossfit style 300 workout today.  I must be insane.

The workout

20, 5 for time

16 laps

squats

push ups

db bent over row – 7

crunches

10 laps

db thrusters – 7

db to shoulder – 10

reverse crunches

db swings – 10

1/2 burpee

Time: 11:10 for 20; 14:30 for total

5 k cycle – level 1 – 8:48

As I said.  I’m not sure what the hell was going on in my head.  It hurt.  Like hell.  It was some form of redemption for the shit that I’ve been doing to myself since I left NI; but there’s still such a long way to go.  Thinking back, and looking at my polar stats and previous workouts on here I’m fucked.  I’ve nothing on what I had.  So much training was let go.  And now it’s going to be so much harder to get back.

26:33

378c, 12%

AHR:176

MHR: 190

I don’t know how on earth I got through it. I know when I’ve worked hard.  I literally laid on the tiles for about 5 minutes, listening to whatever was coming out of the ipod.  It was literally just on whatever it wanted to be on – I didn’t care.  I was just sorting myself out, wondering if I wanted to throw up.  Wondering if I was going to throw up.  Not wanting water, but then not being able to stop drinking it.  An hour or so later when I headed out to the range I was still feeling as though a big old rainbow yawn might be heading my way at any time.

I’m so so tired now, I just want to go to bed, although I’m afraid to go too early for fear of waking really early, again.  I’m exhausted, but there was a switch flipped at golf today…I’m now motivated.  It came back again!

Zzzzzzzz

tune up

Went in for a tune up today.  After so many hours I feel rundown and tired, like a car I suppose – need a good lube at times.  My neck was so sore, and it was radiating down into my trap, both high and lower, and into my scap stabilisers.  When I couldn’t take it anymore I headed for some healing hands.  Wasn’t too bad at all.

It’s both sad, and weird that that’s the most naked a chick’s seen me in a while.  I don’t like it being like that.  I want a girlfriend…  shit.  The massage was good though.  She kept doing this zig zaggy thing – up one side of my back, down the other.  Back up and then back down again.  Then she lifted my scapulae & did it round the medial borders of each of them.  I thought I was going to die while she was doing that.  Not so much sore, but uncomfortable.  Bloody uncomfortable.  It’s a weird feeling, having someone dig their fingers under your shoulder blades.  The zig zaggy thing happened again – down my calves, then down my tib ant, then up my hamstrings.  I can’t say that she was overly rough, or nearly as hard as the girls lead me to believe, but she got into it and gave me a bit of a touch up.  Was pretty happy actually.  She said that I was ’strong’ around my shoulders, and well built through the back of my shoulders; also that I had well developed calves (I bloody know, and hate).  She wasn’t surprised at all that I was built after I’d told her that I don’t mind a bit of powerlifting occasionally.

By the end of the massage I was feeling much better – and had better range and less soreness in my neck and shoulders.  Perhaps a once a week tune up is the way to go…

beach sprints

Well…despite a distinct lack of running, my shins are back to hurting.  Ice required.  I’m not sure why they’re hurting.  Perhaps standing while working all day; perhaps the training fins, perhaps the dramatic increase in exercise over the last two weeks.  Perhaps also the nimbus.  In truth, I probably need new orthotics, I’m just not in the place to afford them at the moment, but at the same time I don’t think that I can go into the academy not having them – particularly if there’s lots of running involved.

Slept much better last night.  Got in bed for 9.15 then read for a while.  Sleep came relatively easily after about half 10.  Was up at half 5 and off to the beach for a sprint session.  Was so nice down at the beach this morning.  Will probably wear swimmers and a bra next time and do some water running afterwards.  Will be a bit of a pain in the arse though if I’m wet getting into the car.  The water was lovely, the little bit we did paddle.  Did the sprints in the soft sand 5 x about 20m, 5 x short hills, 5 x long hills.  All up about 30 minutes.

27:35

340c, 18%

AHR: 162

MHR: 208

Going to the gym before work today, then working 12 – 9.  Not a bad day really.  Eyes feel tired again, but there’s been plenty of food sent to work so I’ll have lots of supplies when I get there.  2 x protein shakes today me thinks.

At work again now.  Minding the second shop.  Probably my favourite job in this place.  Gym was alright, though I got a little carried away with the whole application thing and was a bit late for the gym.  This application is taking up a hell of a lot of time.  Who keeps track of everywhere they’ve lived since they were 10?

Anyway, the gym.  No cardio warm up, just jump in and go…

C & J – 5 x 10@ 20

DB BP with twist – 3 x 10 – 6, 7, 7

Neutral pulldown – 3 x 10 @ 22.5

Seated row – 3 x 10 @ 27.5

DB Bent over flyes – 3 x 10 @ 6

Standing one arm row – 3 x 10 @ 22.5

45 LP – 3 x 10 @ 80

35:38

364 cal, 29%

AHR:145

MHR: 173

Not bad considering I was running late.  Still working up to working proper hard, but I’m getting there.  Consistency is most important until it becomes a lifestyle change.  Working a lot less hours next week, so hope to get even more training done.  And some more golf.

Just in from work.  Am shagged.  I’ve a really tight left hamstring, a sore left knee and my neck feels shite.  As does my right trap.  Hoping a night of sleep and not getting up at 5.30am will soothe all the pain and fatigue, I don’t think it will, but there’s always hope. I was feeling good until now – or till my knee started hurting at about 4pm.  Not exactly sure what it is – amd a little worried, but for no particular reason.  I feel as though it’s all to do with the hamstring that’s tight as feck.  Feel incredibly old tonight.

Updating before bed.  Is this what life has come to??

sleep

Today was one of the worst days I’ve had, feeling wise, for a while.  I was up early enough, considering the number of beers we had last night, and headed for the gym.

R.I. – 30:30 (5 @ 40:20) 10kph, 3% – 18mins

Clean & Press – 3 x 8 @ 20

Leg Press – 3 x 8 @ 80, 1 x 8 @ 90

Narrow pulldown – 3 x 8 @ 25

Straight leg DL – 3 x 8 @ 20

cycling – free spin – 4 mins.

50:00

631 c, 18%

AHR: 163

MHR: 198

After that I went home and we headed out for some fishing.  Was a really nice day, although there wasn’t much about – we kept losing the fecking bait.  Probably some massive crabs just kept snitching it.  During my morning workout I started to feel as though I was going to throw up, which isn’t entirely why I headed home after 50 minutes, I was nearly done anyway, but I wasn’t feeling good, and my post workout shake didn’t sit all that well in my stomach either.

Got over it and we went fishing, then back to work; but by the time I was going to work I had a massive headache, the sickly feeling had returned and I was feeling a pain across my lower back.  Not good.  Perhaps just dehydration as I filled up on food and water while at work and it seemed to get better.

Ginger and I had a game of chasey when I got home which was class.  It was great to see him running about having fun.  MG didn’t like it much as he was getting razzed up before bed, but G was laughing her head off – bit of a release for her I think.  Was going to do some work with G, but just end up doing 20 minutes on the bike by myself.  Went pretty hard, mostly strength stuff, not speed.  3 minutes @ 2, 2 @ 3, 1 @ 4 & 1 @ 5 – then repeating that pattern, although timing was different with a 2 minute cool down cycle.  Feeling much better after having a good sweat session this afternoon.  Was only 20 minutes, and not really enough to be called a second training session, but was something anyway.

20:54

236c, 24%

AHR: 154

MHR: 172

All good, but I’m so tired.  Fatigue is starting to kill me at 10pm – at least now I know when to go to bed.

Grumpy Chops

The well worn path of beginning is looking oh so familiar again.  Normally I get into this, this far then further, then sometimes further still but ultimately it ends in the same result.

I’m really enjoying the exercise, the feeling of being tired, the muscular pain and pushing is something that tells me that I’m doing well, and doing the right thing.  Today was a relatively easy day – swimming just.  I felt tired on the way to the pool.  Swam well, probably better than I have before, held 10 x 100 @ 3 minutes fairly well, then did some breath and lung volume work.  I did try doing some longer stuff, but really really suffer towards the last 25m.

I arrived to work in a rather unpleasent mood.  I’m not really sure what was up, but from the outset I could tell that it wasn’t going to be a great day.  I’ve days when I’ve no patience whatsoever.  Nothing is right, and nothing goes the way I want it to go.  I say fuck a lot these days.  I was also really hungry today.  Perhaps the long-ness of the day, woken at 6.30 by the ginger squealing, to finishing work at 9pm.  Not short.

I ate good today, and I think I’ve the during the day stuff sorted out, it’s the night time meals that will kill me.  How do I say to the hosts that I don’t want to eat carbs for dinner, or fatty snags.  That good old chicken & vege will do me.

While doing not much at work I discovered a blog that looks interesting…  Caroline Koll.  Will have to look in more detail, but it looks interesting enough.  She’s an ironman triathlete so it will be interesting to have a ‘flick’ through to see what she’s got to say for herself.

Shins

Fucking hard on the legs today.  I ran further today, and straight from work, as is the plan.  I was feeling pretty good after work and had a coffee and headed out. 

I felt quite good, and really made an effort to run further again and to try to feel as though I was running with rhythm. 

Ran further and longer today and was happy with the run; although the stretch up Howe was definitely the hardest and needed a couple of breaks in there at times.

Although I really don’t feel as though the rhythm was completely there I did feel better about my ability to push and to run further in one stretch than I have been.  I pushed the first leg today and tried not to stop at lights if possible.  I figure I ran nearly two k with out stopping, although about 800m of this was down hill and there were a couple of small breaks in it; the total time coming up to about 11mins 30 secs or something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4.1k

Really felt better about running today, and yesterday morning I wondered if it was ‘running day’ and was mildly disappointed when I realised that it wasn’t.

The only dampner is that my shins are starting to hurt.  Going to focus on preventative measures, ice & stretching and probably do a little taping job on my orthotics, as well as backing off the running when I get into the gym.  Will have to replace it with some cycling sessions at the smacky gym.  And going to try doing some running on the beach or something, the only pain in the arse about that is that I have to run down there, and back.