unravelling the good

What a great weekend I had.  Friday night there were drinks and a delicious roast and polenta dinner here, Saturday I spent all day at work, before heading in for more beers with the rellies.  Sunday we played golf at the town course then had some more drinks.  Obviously, from that ultra quick run down, all the good work from last week was nearly undone with the diet and booze blow out of the weekend.  I’ve really got to tighten up on the control thing here.  One night in at the rellies, as one night a week on the booze is well enough for me while I’m working hard at what I’m doing.

Otherwise, I’m pretty happy with how the training is going.  Have really only been into it a week or so, coming up on two weeks, but it’s starting to feel like routine.  Starting to see some results – my pants were definately looser than a couple of weekends ago when I was out with Dad.  That is pleasing, particularly cause it’s only two weeks.  I think the goal for this week will be to train 2 per day on at least 3 days, and golf twice.  Money’s always an issue with that though.

Golf was ok.  Nothing to write home about.  Hitting the driver well.  Still some inconsistencies to iron out, but it’s the short game that really needs the bulk of the work.  It was atrocious at best.  Putting was not great, missed quite a lot of relatively straight puts – maybe quitting on the follow through as Dad suggested.  Am planning to, and want to get some more work done – perhaps the short course at Innes Park is what I need to do a fair bit of for a while, just until I get the short game under control.  Have tried suggesting that MG put a putting surface in in the yard, but to no avail.  Bastards.  Although understandable – maintenance would be horrendous.

On the upside, we’ve discovered, through extensive research and experimentation, that low carb beer doesn’t give you a hangover!  There’s less alcohol and lower total volume of beer in the bottles, but at the end of the day, when you’ve had 10 stubbies, you feel like you’ve had 10 stubbies.  It’s full on strength but low on carbs, great for the diet and no hangover to boot!

Again

Starting all over again. It feels that way anyway. It feels as though I’ve let go of all the work that I did to get to the point where I was looking forward to running. I was in a good place then, even though the bad habits were still there, I was in a better place than I am now. The holiday was the downfall of that.

That’s just an excuse though. Another excuse.  I came back from the holiday wanting to do more stuff.  More mountain stuff, be more active, eat healthier and just be natually doing the right things.  It’s not happened that way, for various reasons but mostly just out of lack of desire and dedication.

I’ve made the decision to go home and do the police thing.  Before the holiday I was doing it for that reason only, and I think in the two weeks that I was doing alright I started to lose weight.  Nothing overly noticable, but it was there.

Monday is the beginning of a new chapter.  I’ve said this so many times before it seems nearly to the point that I don’t actually believe myself when I say it.  The way I’m feeling, at the moment, is for me about rock bottom.  I’m not eating well, not sleeping, feel fat and disgusting.  I’m constantly tired.  I get grumpy and cranky.  The list is endless.  I;m sat here typing with my eyes closed.  I’m exhausted.  I’ve not long ago had an extra shot latte.  That’s 3 shots of espresso and it hasn’t hit me.  It did for a little whileIt would be all very easy to say ‘oh well…maybe I just can’t do it.

Being here doesn’t make things easy.  It makes things fucking hard, but that’s one of the things that I just need to overcome.  People everywhere – drinking, smoking, eating shit – it all makes it harder cause it’s right there infront of me.  How fucking bad is this going to have to get before I actually take responsibility for what I’m doing to myself and sort it out?!

Monday is the start of it – I’m embarking on the 5 x 5 program, at the smacky gym, so not the best place, but I’m skint, the gym is cheap and accessible and it’s a beginning.  I’ll do the program as prescribed.  The only changes being that I’ll be using a rack for the squats when the weight gets up there…  I’ll do bench and the additional exercises as prescribed.  I’ll run one to two times per week and walk another two times per week.  The walks will be disguised as getting places.  Eating will be sorted out.  All the bad shit I’m doing will be stopped.

There’s no way I can go back to Australia like this.  I leave in about 3.5 months, it will be treated somewhat as a 12 week challenge, although not as strict.  I just want to be fitter, leaner and more healthy for when I get home.  That’s the goal, that’s all that I want out of this.

Girly-ness

I really can not be arsed tonight. I’ve got in from work grumpy, irritable and exhausted; showered quickly and am now debating the wisdom of doning a vest for tonight’s birthday dinner, for Ms G, at the Ivory.  Somehow I think I’d be killed if I arrived in a vest, unless it was adorned with sequins or something similarly pretty & girly.  Polo shirt it is.

I’ve found a shirt that looks sufficiently girly/nice, threw some moisturiser on my face, no make up – can not be arsed, some wax in my hair and some Davidoff Cool, for women & I’m ready for the off. Is it terrible of me that I can not be arsed going to one of my friends’ birthday dinners? Or just a sign of how tired I feel today?! Not getting enough sleep; that’s all.  Aside from that I do feel quite fat at the moment.  I know that it’s booze.  I know that if I stopped drinking there wouldn’t be a pick on me; but I love it!  Not to the alcoholic point, but I love it.  I can feel it round my waist, and it feels fucking disgusting.  I’ve been thrown off my training by the sister getting up here; and by the wind down of work; but it’s no excuse.  I do not want to get fat and lazy again.  Yet even as I write this I feel as though I’m not sure if I want to go and train tonight.  How do fatties cope with the feeling of rolls around them all day?  Ugh, disgusting!

On the up-side I’ve only 16 hours left to work.  Being out, alone & unemployed in the world is a pretty scary prospect, yet again.  But I wouldn’t have signed up for the adventure if it wasn’t what I wanted to do.

It seems the seasons, they have a-changed.  Yesterday was absolutely beautiful.  The sun was out, it was mild, when I say mild I mean thermal under Ping shirt for golfing, and the world seemed so much brighter.  Today I noticed the length of the afternoons more than I have before.  Although it is only 5pm I really felt a bit weird showering and getting ready to go out when it’s still light outside.  You really have no concept of the time here, and I think it’s a lot due to the amount of light in the summer, and the darkness in winter.  Also it’s so noticable cause of the speed at which it seems to change.  Dublin I think is said to change at about 3 minutes per day.  Up here I think, heard somewhere, and probably unreliably, that it’s more like 5.  5 minutes out of a day doesn’t seem like much, but it does make a difference.

My head is filled with all sorts of randomness today. First, I believe I may be starting to miss K-C when I even think about leaving.  Second, just as I am sat here I found myself wondering if Jillian was heading to the gym tonight. I’ve spoken to her via messenger since the incident; but haven’t seen her.  Sort of wonder if we need to talk about this. The compassionate side of me; especially seeing as how she said she’s having a little trouble wrapping her head around the whole issue.  Over the last couple of days I’ve caught myself wondering if I could be with her.  I’m not sure I could, but then I really don’t know her from outside the gym setting.  Or enough to know that anyway.

After my performance on Friday night, and Mrs U & I deciding that we were getting married, I happened to mention it to Jillian; saying that I’m not really the marrying type.  It was all in fun until I began to wonder, given my track record, and my inability to be 100% sure that I won’t cheat again, am I really not the marrying type?  Do I have the ability to remain faithful?  I really like to think that I could…but I’m just not sure.  Sad, isn’t it?

Pretty pretty Mary

Friday wasn’t all that grand at all.  Overslept – shit!  Avoided a huge pineapple by just getting there in time – by in time I mean just before Handy Andy arrived, scraped in.  Just out of the scratcher!

 

Food wise – shit.  Narrowly avoided the bacon butties they were cooking upstairs.  Had way too many coffees, a salad,

1600 – Training – 35:25 Run intervals.  5 min warm up, 20 mins run intervals. 3% incline.  5 @ 12.5; 10 @ 13, 5 @ 12.5

1700 – 2400 – 1 x Smirnoff, 1 x Miller, 1 x rum & coke.  Maybe 10 beers out.  Ribs, prawn toast, Midnight Haunt chow-mein. 

 

Absolutely busted in training.  Was such a good session following a shit day.  Was never not going to train.  Always knew I had to do it, especially before being away for beers and chinaman. 

 

Rossmore

Day off work today, went with the girls to Rossmore. Unfortunately they didn’t win; but was a great day. Pretty shite for the diet though. 3 small bottles of Bulmers cider, braised steak with onions & gravy, spuds, veg & some chips. Also had some delicious strawberry & apple crumble with a little bit of cream. So yum. Had a spag bol when I got home as I was hungry. Probably didn’t need the bol, but had it anyway. Loads of cheese. Addicted to cheese. Dromona Mild Cheddar…MMMMM!!

Didn’t train this morning as was very tired. Feel so guilty about missing it. Feel as though I’m getting further from my goal of being consistent. Prioritising exercise and healthy eating. Prioritising my goals over everything else. There were bloody factors that I could have fucking changed to get it done.